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schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Don\'t worry, you can definitely write a good sex scene. I hope to be reading more from you soon.
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!! you\'re good. you said that you\'ll use this in a fic? post it now!!! i want to read it. if the sex is that good. OMG!!! im a pervert. i never read sex this good. i need a cold shower...
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Damn that was hot. Trust me you can write i, keep the story the way you want to write it. I can\'t wait to read it
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow! That sorta does it for me...
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow... I have to say that that is an excellent sex scene. I like the sensuality of it and it is definitely one of the better sex scenes I\'ve read. Hope to see more!
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*heavy sarcasm* Oh my god you are so horrible at this you suck so bad and you should never write slash again in fact you are so horrible you should just go somewhere and DIE! *end sarcasm* no now seriously it was great i <3 it. I can\'t wait to read the full story
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Okies, you asked for someone to give you their opinion of if you can do a sex scene...and guess what?! YOU CAN! But not all of what I have to say is good, so lets get to the nitty gritty.
First off, I think the dialogue needs work. I may have not been present when two guys decide to have hot raunchy sex but I know they\'d probably have a few more things to say about it than that, and even though their minds my be a little preoccupied, I\'m sure you could widen their vocabulary! And maybe Draco shouldn\'t be instructing Harry on what to do, its a bit weird unless of course its all new to Harry, but nothing like that was mentioned so I\'ll just have to assume he was.
Next matter we have is the fact that there isn\'t really any emotion involved, just physical interaction. That might be okay for a PWP but if you\'re planning to put the sex scene into an actual H/D fic that is going to be \'novel\' length it needs emotion!
Thirdly, unless Draco is used to being penetrated and is used to the feeling, its going to hurt. I\'m not saying that he should start screaming in pain or anything, its just that anal sex isn\'t THAT easy! And talking of easy, wasn\'t it a bit too easy that Harry found Draco\'s prostate straight away without even looking for it?! I thought so anyhoo...
Just don\'t take anything I said to harshly, the things I said will most likely improve what you\'ve written already. Hope I\'ve helped!
Ciao!
P.S. What happened to their shirts?! Were they taken off before where you started writing from?!
P.P.S. Don\'t be sad and make your H/D fic PG-13! Your \'sex scene\' was definitely up to standard, better than most I\'ve read for a while anyhoo!
First off, I think the dialogue needs work. I may have not been present when two guys decide to have hot raunchy sex but I know they\'d probably have a few more things to say about it than that, and even though their minds my be a little preoccupied, I\'m sure you could widen their vocabulary! And maybe Draco shouldn\'t be instructing Harry on what to do, its a bit weird unless of course its all new to Harry, but nothing like that was mentioned so I\'ll just have to assume he was.
Next matter we have is the fact that there isn\'t really any emotion involved, just physical interaction. That might be okay for a PWP but if you\'re planning to put the sex scene into an actual H/D fic that is going to be \'novel\' length it needs emotion!
Thirdly, unless Draco is used to being penetrated and is used to the feeling, its going to hurt. I\'m not saying that he should start screaming in pain or anything, its just that anal sex isn\'t THAT easy! And talking of easy, wasn\'t it a bit too easy that Harry found Draco\'s prostate straight away without even looking for it?! I thought so anyhoo...
Just don\'t take anything I said to harshly, the things I said will most likely improve what you\'ve written already. Hope I\'ve helped!
Ciao!
P.S. What happened to their shirts?! Were they taken off before where you started writing from?!
P.P.S. Don\'t be sad and make your H/D fic PG-13! Your \'sex scene\' was definitely up to standard, better than most I\'ve read for a while anyhoo!
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I liked it, it was sweet and innocent like. i hope you keep it.! Can\'t wait to read the actual story.
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This is exactly what I need to hear!
I have to say that this is ripped right from the story, that is to say that I\'ve got the before and after already written but was having trouble with the sex. (Their shirts were already off because they were out on the Hogwarts grounds and it started to rain so they went to the Dungeons to change clothes.)
As anyone knows it\'s always difficult to assign roles to the H/D pairing. Either they\'re both virgins who miraculously know everything about gay sex, or Draco\'s the slut of Slytherin, or one of Ron\'s brothers are gay whic automatically means that Harry is an expert at gay sex, or some other such inplausible(sp?) nonsense. I didn\'t want to do any of those. My way of explaining Draco\'s knowledge, and guidance of Harry (who is a virgin) through, sex is that he and Blaise Zabini were friends with benifits(sp?) for a while (which will pan out later on when Harry eavesdrops on a conversation between the two that he takes the complete wrong way).
As for the lack of dialogue, it\'s because I didn\'t want it to become a sex ed class with Draco as teacher or throw Harry into the \'idiot virgin\' role. I was also trying to stave off the \'how do/did you know what to do draco?\' conversation for the morning after (in which Draco will tell Harry about his past thing with Blaise).
If by emotion you mean \'I love you\', then that was left out for a reason. Though both will contemplate what their feelings are, those three words aren\'t going to be uttered by either boy until later on in the story and when they are it will be a major scene (one that I\'ve already planned).
I want so much to be able to write awkard-first-time-sex instead of romantic-almost-fluffy-perfect-sex, but the tone of the story is serious and it just wouldn\'t work. As for finding the prostate, I tried to hint that it was a complete accident, that Harry hit it and Draco reacted and *then* Harry went looking for it.
*runs off to work on revisions*
I have to say that this is ripped right from the story, that is to say that I\'ve got the before and after already written but was having trouble with the sex. (Their shirts were already off because they were out on the Hogwarts grounds and it started to rain so they went to the Dungeons to change clothes.)
As anyone knows it\'s always difficult to assign roles to the H/D pairing. Either they\'re both virgins who miraculously know everything about gay sex, or Draco\'s the slut of Slytherin, or one of Ron\'s brothers are gay whic automatically means that Harry is an expert at gay sex, or some other such inplausible(sp?) nonsense. I didn\'t want to do any of those. My way of explaining Draco\'s knowledge, and guidance of Harry (who is a virgin) through, sex is that he and Blaise Zabini were friends with benifits(sp?) for a while (which will pan out later on when Harry eavesdrops on a conversation between the two that he takes the complete wrong way).
As for the lack of dialogue, it\'s because I didn\'t want it to become a sex ed class with Draco as teacher or throw Harry into the \'idiot virgin\' role. I was also trying to stave off the \'how do/did you know what to do draco?\' conversation for the morning after (in which Draco will tell Harry about his past thing with Blaise).
If by emotion you mean \'I love you\', then that was left out for a reason. Though both will contemplate what their feelings are, those three words aren\'t going to be uttered by either boy until later on in the story and when they are it will be a major scene (one that I\'ve already planned).
I want so much to be able to write awkard-first-time-sex instead of romantic-almost-fluffy-perfect-sex, but the tone of the story is serious and it just wouldn\'t work. As for finding the prostate, I tried to hint that it was a complete accident, that Harry hit it and Draco reacted and *then* Harry went looking for it.
*runs off to work on revisions*
schedule
May 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Thanks so much, I\'m glad you liked it!