rate_review Reviews

I loved your story...so beautifully written. Thank you!

Very nice story. I thouroughly enjoyed it. When I first read that Hermione was in Texas raising horses, I had a horrid image of her and Severus riding horses into the sunset or some sappy crap like that, and in the hands of some authors that might have been the case. You, thankfully, erased that image from my mind.

Again very good story.

Casandra

You really shouldn\'t remove reviews that were left to help you - like mine pointing out a fairly large error in continuity and one by Nightmare. Removing reviews makes you look bad.

That was lovely.

Sorry about the nit-picking, but I had to say something else. The average Clydedale (horse-Hagrid\'s breed - the Budweiser horses) is 18h. A hand for a horse is 4 inches, and was originally the width of a human hand, one atop the other from the ground at a foreleg to the top of the shoulder. 18x4 = 72 inches which is 6 foot tall at the top of the shoulder.

Your horse-Severus, at 20h is 20x4 = 80 inches... which is more than 6 and a half foot at the shoulder / withers.

The biggest horse EVER by Guiness Books was 21.5h, a Shire named Samson. The biggest horse ALIVE is 19h a black horse named Goliath. He\'s so big he has to sprawl his front legs apart like a foal to graze, because his legs are longer than his neck.

18h is huge, and 20h is monstrous... little Herminoe\'s legs would be sticking out to the side, because she couldn\'t get them around his girth.

My point is with both these comments are, that a little fact checking doesn\'t take long, and adds a LOT of versimilitude and reality that makes good fiction better.

A well written and lovely story.

Your premise is very interesting, and I love horses, so I like the spin you put on Hermione here. However, there are a lot of errors, and it makes the story difficult to read at times. You may want to consider getting a beta reader to help your story shine as it has the potential to do.

Your first fic huh? well that was absolutely brilliant for a first fanfic. I really enjoyed it it was very sweet and I liked how you tied America into it. I live in the southwest and am involved in horses as well so it was really enjoyable to read. And I saw that you may be doing one with Lucius and Hermione. That\'s a fabulous idea, I have read a few fics with that pairing and have rather enjoyed it so it would be awesome if you did one. Just keep him mean and nasty til closer to the end hehe damn those bad boys. Anyhow great job on this fic!!!

I just finished chapter 6 . I really like the romance and the lovemaking between Hermione and Severus. I also like the Native American idea because it is a new twist I haven\'t seen in any other stories. My worry is that in chapter 3 you made the point to let us know that Severus had stopped eating for 3 days before Hermione came after him. The next morning when they went to the Great Hall it seems he still didn\'t eat because he wanted to get Hermione away from the other men. After they tended to the horses, he still hasn\'t eaten since chapter 3 but they go back get engaged and make love. I\'ll worry about Severus until you feed him. It\'s been about 4 days since he has eaten unless I missed something. It takes away from my enjoyment of the proposal. Could they go eat after they tend the horses and then get engaged and make love after everyone is feeling comfortable and refreshed? During the post proposal sex i keep thinking how much less I would be enjoying lovemaking if I was really hungery and weak from 4 days of fasting. Please forgive me if I am being to anal about it. You give us a great deal of sympathy for Severus in this story and we need to take care of him. Thanks. Your first attemt is great. I hope to see you write more.

One more question, As I read I keep asking myself why has Dark Feather suddenly decided to leave her life and her people so suddenly? Is it because she wants to be near her son? I worry she won\'t be effective as a council member of her tribe if she doesn\'t live with them any more. She won\'t know what\'s going on with everyone. Maybe it will feel more realistic if we know she visits home frequently between council meetings. Is her sudden willingnes to change her entire life style due to her desire to help Remus before she even met him? She seems like too much of a person who has it all together to change her entire life on a whim. It would help me to have a believable reason for her to do this. I\'m really enjoying your story or I wouldn\'t care. So I hope I have\'nt made you feel that I don\'t like the story. Just sharing the things that go through a reader\'s mind as they go through a story. Keep up writing, please.

Warmly,
Breastlady

I love the different approach you took with the binding. That\'s very inventive and lovely.

So I\'m guessing this is the next story will concentrate on Remus and Dark Feather? I hope you give us a little peak into Severus and Hermione\'s life too.