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October 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I hope you don\'t mind constructive criticism; otherwise ignore the better part of this review.
I really enjoyed it; the summary caught my attention right away. ^_^ Only, it jumped in so immediately, and I don\'t understand why Gryffindor was having on orgy on his bed in the first place. Is it, like, a common thing, or completely spontaneous? Potion induced maybe? And if it was Poition induced or spontaneous, where was harry that he wasn\'t invited in? And are the slytherins on better terms with the Gryffindors now that they would invite potter in so willingly, or is it just because he\'s that dead sexy? ^_^ well, it\'s not like i\'d deny harry the chance to join in any orgy i was having...but still.
There were some really good lines- i love harry pouting and being all \"No one wants to touch me?\" And draco\'s \"fingers. out. now.\" and then \"IN. NOW!\" That is soo him. I think the sex went a little fast in the part where draco sucked him off, plus there was no real description of what was going on around them; you\'d think he would hear other people moaning and other \"Fuck, yes there!\"s and \"faster\"s, \"harder\"s or whatever. When Draco claimed him though and everyone else moved off, it was...better. What was the whole thing with the movie though? Like, was harry watching gay porn? I can see that going over well at his uncle\'s house...*eyeroll* (although he probably stole it from dudley. ~.^)
the end of the chapter was...a little odd. i mean, it just mentions the glow and that everyone else will tell them later. and they\'re sleeping on a bed, naked, in the middle of the slytherin common room? Wouldn\'t that be a little too...lewd for the little firsties to come out to in the morning? and...well, i guess with the gryffindor orgy harry wouldn\'t be missed so much, since they\'re a little busy right now. nevermind.
Yeah, this was really good though. I am eager to see where it is going.
I really enjoyed it; the summary caught my attention right away. ^_^ Only, it jumped in so immediately, and I don\'t understand why Gryffindor was having on orgy on his bed in the first place. Is it, like, a common thing, or completely spontaneous? Potion induced maybe? And if it was Poition induced or spontaneous, where was harry that he wasn\'t invited in? And are the slytherins on better terms with the Gryffindors now that they would invite potter in so willingly, or is it just because he\'s that dead sexy? ^_^ well, it\'s not like i\'d deny harry the chance to join in any orgy i was having...but still.
There were some really good lines- i love harry pouting and being all \"No one wants to touch me?\" And draco\'s \"fingers. out. now.\" and then \"IN. NOW!\" That is soo him. I think the sex went a little fast in the part where draco sucked him off, plus there was no real description of what was going on around them; you\'d think he would hear other people moaning and other \"Fuck, yes there!\"s and \"faster\"s, \"harder\"s or whatever. When Draco claimed him though and everyone else moved off, it was...better. What was the whole thing with the movie though? Like, was harry watching gay porn? I can see that going over well at his uncle\'s house...*eyeroll* (although he probably stole it from dudley. ~.^)
the end of the chapter was...a little odd. i mean, it just mentions the glow and that everyone else will tell them later. and they\'re sleeping on a bed, naked, in the middle of the slytherin common room? Wouldn\'t that be a little too...lewd for the little firsties to come out to in the morning? and...well, i guess with the gryffindor orgy harry wouldn\'t be missed so much, since they\'re a little busy right now. nevermind.
Yeah, this was really good though. I am eager to see where it is going.
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October 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoy this tory so far. it\'s interesting! cant wait until the next chapter!! keep writing!
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October 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was great! I love it! Please update soon!
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October 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I am sorry to hear about your knee it sounds painful.i hope that you will still be able to continue this story. update when you can.
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OH YEAH!!! Go Poppy! Go Poppy! I am like so totally jealous. If she doesn\'t want Snape may I have him. please?
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Keep going I really like it! Poor snape...Why are you killing him and putting him with poppy? Lol. Anyway pelase review soon
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Loved that! Nice job.
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG! I just found this story and I LOVE IT! This is going on my \"Recommended Reading\" list RIGHT NOW!! I love the whole part Veela/part Angel/part Elf with Harry and the part Veela/part Angel Demon with Draco! They\'re still polar opposites, but they end up complimenting so well! Tormenting Snape the way you do is hilarious!
I believe that if JK actually wrote smut about her characters that Snape seeing Dumbledore/McGonagall shagging would definitely be a way of tormenting the Potions Master that everyone loves to hate! Especially since it\'s a sight not even the ghosts want to witness! And then Snape/Poppy getting it on is just too effing funny!
Thank you for writing this story! I\'ll be checking back every day to see if you\'ve updated. I just have one question... Why is the Magic of Hogwarts obeying Harry and Draco now, instead of Dumbledore? I\'m intrigued! Can\'t wait for your next update. Hurry, please!
I believe that if JK actually wrote smut about her characters that Snape seeing Dumbledore/McGonagall shagging would definitely be a way of tormenting the Potions Master that everyone loves to hate! Especially since it\'s a sight not even the ghosts want to witness! And then Snape/Poppy getting it on is just too effing funny!
Thank you for writing this story! I\'ll be checking back every day to see if you\'ve updated. I just have one question... Why is the Magic of Hogwarts obeying Harry and Draco now, instead of Dumbledore? I\'m intrigued! Can\'t wait for your next update. Hurry, please!
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Erm, I hate to be a buzz kill, but in like the first couple of chapters wasn\'t Sirius alive and ranting with Snape about the Potter/Malfoy relationship? How\'s he suddenly a ghost?
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October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
As much as I really like this story, you should be careful with names: Seamus Finnigan is a Gryffindor; Blaise Zabini is a Slytherin. Go to www.hp-lexicon.org to double-check all the names and other pertinent spellings!
You also need to have a beta-reader/editor to help you with your grammar and punctuation and sentence structure mistakes. Many sentences have ambiguous pronoun modifiers which could be talking about Harry or Draco, or both. A good site for some pointers is www.askoxford.com, a free site maintained by the Oxford English Dictionary.
You also need to have a beta-reader/editor to help you with your grammar and punctuation and sentence structure mistakes. Many sentences have ambiguous pronoun modifiers which could be talking about Harry or Draco, or both. A good site for some pointers is www.askoxford.com, a free site maintained by the Oxford English Dictionary.