rate_review Reviews

G\'day!
So excited that this chapter came up so quickly! Also very excited at the promise of Lemons!! I am just a simple girl with a love of smut :-)
Super Severus to the rescue!! Looking foward to seeing what happens in the next chapter!!
Love Love Love
TaintedAngel xxx

Hey there!! I\'ve just gotten back from vacation and read the last few chapters. It\'s starting to get very interesting....lol I\'m so glad Draco helped them out! I can\'t wait to see Sev kick some butt!!! lol Anxiously awaiting the next chapter!!!

>.> *glowers* you stoped right at the good part!!!! oh well ^_^ at least you update frequently unlike me *shifty glance* i like your story its really good .^_^ happy writing!

I read the fifteen chapters you have up this afternoon, and I loved each of them! You have a knack for suspense, and you have managed to pull together a lot of details and unrevealed factors from the series in an intelligent and believable way. I am so pleased that you did not rush the relationship between Severus and Hermione. From that restraint, you have made the characters more true and relatable. Wonderful job! I cannot wait to read more!

Oooh yay, to the rescue......please let them get there before Lucius can harm Hermione too much!

Oh my, you do like the little cliffies don\'t you. I don\'t think you can update fast enough for me this time! Loved seeing Draco squirm though. I hope Hermione will be resiliant enough to make it through this attack and not fall back into a depression, good thing Sera will be waiting for her.

Another magnificient chappie! Good going!

Great chapter! I\'m really enjoying Sera\'s character as well!

Another great chapter! I found myself disappointed when I got to the end, because I wanted to read more. I\'m glad you write fast, because I cannot wait for the next chapter!

As I read through your chapter, I noticed one thing that you might want to watch. Sometimes you end your dialogue wrong. That probably makes no sense, so I will give you an example from your text.

Yours: \"Sir, we can help find her, right?\" Asked Ron.
Corrected: \"Sir, we can help find her, right?\" asked Ron.

You should only capitalize the word that follows the end quotation if it is a new sentence.

For Example: \"Of course you and Mr. Potter may help look for Miss Granger.\" Dumbledore smiled.

That is right, because \"Dumbledore smiled.\" is a sentence all on its own. \"Asked Ron.\" is not, so it will not work like that.

Yours: \"Thanks Severus.\" She said gratefuly.
Corrected: \"Thanks, Severus,\" she said gratefully.

Unless the dialogue ends in a question mark, exclamation point, or does not have a \"said\", \"asked\", or some other reference to how it was spoken after the end quotation, the dialogue should conclude with a comma. As I showed you in the first example, \"She said gratefully.\" is not a complete sentence on its own, so you need to make sure \"she\" is lowercase.

One more item of interest. You can separate two incomplete pieces of dialogue with a piece of action, but it has to be done a certain way. I am going to use the same sentence from the last example, but alter it just a little to show you what I mean. (The alteration will not make sense for how you meant the sentence - it\'s just for demonstration purposes.)

Yours: \"Thanks Severus.\" She said gratefuly. \"I never was any good with those spells! Now what\'s all this about Hermione?\"
Corrected: \"Thanks, Severus,\" she said gratefully. \"I never was any good with those spells! Now what\'s all this about Hermione?\"
Another Way: \"Thanks, Severus,\" she said gratefully, \"but I never was any good with those spells! Now what\'s all this about Hermione?\"

See how I made \"Thanks, Severus. I never was any good with those spells!\" into one long sentence? \"Thanks, Severus, but I never was any good with those spells!\" When you have a sentence like that and want to separate it with a piece of action or description, there are a couple of things you have to do. Make sure you put a comma after the bit of action - after \"gratefully\" in the example - and make sure you start the second piece of dialogue with a lowercase word - the \"but\" in the example. If you remove all of the quotation marks and action, you will know you have it right if the piece of dialogue still looks like a full sentence.

I hope you don\'t think I am being particular! I just remember when I could never figure out all of the rules for dialogue and was so thrilled when I finally found some information about it. The things I mentioned in no way distracted me from your story. I just thought you might want to know how it would need to be done in a novel. I can give you all of the rules for ellipses too if you are interested. (I love ellipses!)

Grrr....you know if i was there and he said that to my face \"Miss Granger is missing isn\'t she....\" man i would slap him or hex him! lol

Please update asap