rate_review Reviews

This story definetely has potential and I hope you continue this ir at least maka a sequel but thats up to you.

I'm looking forward to your other works

I think you did fine and the it was a nice one-shot. You even left an opening at the end so that later if you so wanted you could make a sequel. Fine idea actually. (hint, hint. nudge, nudge.)

Great story, but yeah, some really big jumps in there. Maybe a little more build up on how much Neville\'s death affected Harry and why he was acting like he did to Snape. Cannon Snape wouldn\'t have left his class, even the last one, unsupervised. You could have had someone like Hermione or Malfoy watch the class while Snape and Harry shagged in the office, heee heee. Your other details and script was really good, and not just for a first try. You\'ve got a lot of potential, just take your time. Remember that writing is a creative effort, not something to rush, kinda like sex! Did I say that?

I\'ll look forward to more of your work.

I like I like I like!!! *Grin*

I like the idea, but I think to go from anger at Snape\'s comment and then have his first
shag with Snape minutes later really is a jump. But o.k. if thats what you want. However in
future do get betta\'d some of the sentences were poorly scripted.

I think that this was really good especially as this was your first story. I think that you moved the story too quickly though. I think that Severus would have been made to prove that he didn\'t mean what he said about Neville. It is also unlikely that Harry would have been almost expelled from Hogwarts for hitting Malfoy. at most he would have recieved a detention, as Malfoy started it.
This though was a really good story and you should keep on writing. I look forward to reading more from you.