schedule
September 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch.7 - Wow, so is Bella still alive or is it her ghost or spirit haunting Hermione now? That is very clever! Can\'t wait to find out! Muahahahahaha! Toodles!
schedule
September 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch.9 - Wow again. great story. I love it that you made Snape on voldies side in this story. Even though I believe Snape is on no one\'s side in canon, I still like to see him written as truly on the dark side, that he was all along. It gives anice spin to all the stories about Snape being a man of light, a wonderful person and all that. hehehe, I\'m kindof a hypocrite because i am working on a long time story about Snape being on the good side, hehehe. Well you know, everything is nearly AU now so it\'s all in fun. Well I can\'t wait to see what happens. I\'m especially looking forward to this Bella/Hermione mind game thing, it\'s very very well done. Toodles!
schedule
August 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OK, this is verging on brilliant, but you made one mistake - you didn\'t finish it in time! ::sticks out tongue::
Seriously, I have read far too many lovely but unfinished HG/SS fics today, and this is one of the loveliest yet. WRITE.
Seriously, I have read far too many lovely but unfinished HG/SS fics today, and this is one of the loveliest yet. WRITE.
schedule
July 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love your story! I dont vist this section much, but you title caught my eye. Very good. and I hope to read the next chapter soon.
schedule
July 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hmmmm... maybe NOT so AU. ;D Poor Ginny. And what are they going to do with those babies? Desperate women, desperate women...
schedule
March 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
great story i love it please continue.i want to read more.
schedule
March 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was really, really good!!!! Keep the chapters coming!!! Please!!!
schedule
March 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was what I was waiting for.
Very good chapters three and four. The development is good.... as is the smut itself. I have no real critisims today. They were very enjoyable chapters. Post more.
Very good chapters three and four. The development is good.... as is the smut itself. I have no real critisims today. They were very enjoyable chapters. Post more.
schedule
March 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'ve only read chapter one, so far.
Let me start out by saying: good concept.
You\'ve come up with a very well planned first chapter. The pieces fall into place nicely... that is to say the chronological occurances work out quite well. Unfortunately, I was a bit bothered by the... structure you chose to reveal them in. While I understand the desire for a hook beginning, you might want to shorten it. It went on a bit long, and you said \"the figure\" too many times. Also, you need to cut down the number of times you say things to the effect of \"Severus Snape will pay!\" The way you have it devided up into three parts could be much easier achieved by doing it chronologically. I dislike the little \"a few hours earlier\" \"a few minutes later\" things... They\'re distracting and unproffessional. When you write, try to think about how it would be in a real book. One cannot place divisions like this in a work of litterature. You can sidestep it by just saying \"It was only a few hours past that...\" or something like that. Also... when you show a person thinking, it shouldn\'t be in quotations. Make it italics, or just... don\'t mark it. If this is html based (i don\'t know I don\'t post works here) you can put the text inside italics tags like so: < i > except that there won\'t be any spaces < / i >. If it\'s not html based... i don\'t know what to tell you.
Okay... I know a paragraph like that can be intimidating. The fact is I really enjoyed this and see a lot of potential, and WILL continue reading. I like giving constructive critisism, when I can. I hope it was helpful.
Let me start out by saying: good concept.
You\'ve come up with a very well planned first chapter. The pieces fall into place nicely... that is to say the chronological occurances work out quite well. Unfortunately, I was a bit bothered by the... structure you chose to reveal them in. While I understand the desire for a hook beginning, you might want to shorten it. It went on a bit long, and you said \"the figure\" too many times. Also, you need to cut down the number of times you say things to the effect of \"Severus Snape will pay!\" The way you have it devided up into three parts could be much easier achieved by doing it chronologically. I dislike the little \"a few hours earlier\" \"a few minutes later\" things... They\'re distracting and unproffessional. When you write, try to think about how it would be in a real book. One cannot place divisions like this in a work of litterature. You can sidestep it by just saying \"It was only a few hours past that...\" or something like that. Also... when you show a person thinking, it shouldn\'t be in quotations. Make it italics, or just... don\'t mark it. If this is html based (i don\'t know I don\'t post works here) you can put the text inside italics tags like so: < i > except that there won\'t be any spaces < / i >. If it\'s not html based... i don\'t know what to tell you.
Okay... I know a paragraph like that can be intimidating. The fact is I really enjoyed this and see a lot of potential, and WILL continue reading. I like giving constructive critisism, when I can. I hope it was helpful.
schedule
March 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Mk... I\'ve now read chapter two as well. I don\'t have time to read the third one tonight, so you\'ll have to wait on that one.
I really liked this chapter. None of the problems from the first chapter carried over, with the small acception of the quotation marks around the thoughts, but... as I say, that\'s a very very small problem.
All in all, very good. You really know your dark arts. One comment is that the descriptions of the different death eaters in the inner circle dragged on a bit. I\'m sure they\'re here for a reason, probably a set up for later chapters, but it simply got boring after the first three people were described, and I can\'t remember any of it accept for a bit about Percy killing the Weasleys... which is actually kind of irrelivant (though extremely well written).
Anyway... yeah... I\'ll try to get around to chapter three tomorrow... i dunno if I\'ll be able to, but... fingers crossed.
I really liked this chapter. None of the problems from the first chapter carried over, with the small acception of the quotation marks around the thoughts, but... as I say, that\'s a very very small problem.
All in all, very good. You really know your dark arts. One comment is that the descriptions of the different death eaters in the inner circle dragged on a bit. I\'m sure they\'re here for a reason, probably a set up for later chapters, but it simply got boring after the first three people were described, and I can\'t remember any of it accept for a bit about Percy killing the Weasleys... which is actually kind of irrelivant (though extremely well written).
Anyway... yeah... I\'ll try to get around to chapter three tomorrow... i dunno if I\'ll be able to, but... fingers crossed.