rate_review Reviews

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

Okay, rewriting this review (again) after figuring out that English is not your first language, since the use of language had something to do with some niggles I had with the fic. To start with, let me say that I\'m simply enthralled with the ideas and possibilities you\'ve presented here-- the historical connections and tidbits, The Temptation of Severus Snape, and the beautiful literature (and the way it\'s so skilfully inserted)-- well, I\'m impressed. I\'m also just ITCHING to change and suggest a few things. First of all, I think the background information has been presented in a way that makes it sound infinitely more dull and uninteresting than it is. The devices you\'ve used--storytelling via dialogue and flashbacks--seem rather stitled. I would have loved to see a prologue simply presented in a straight-forward manner, detailing at least some of the history Dumbledore and Snape give us (maybe start with the Rasputin history, then Snape\'s grandparents and parents, and anything else you want to include... maybe Snape\'s dad\'s death?), and then letting the action of the story fill in the blanks. Mind you, some people might be turned off by not understanding exactly what they\'re reading while they\'re reading it, but I think the audience this story will appeal to in the first place will probably be the type to enjoy a bit of a mystery and willing to wait out a full explanation. You\'ve done things like that in a smaller scale within the story, so maybe this is an idea you might want to play with if you decide to go back and make any changes. Secondly, the chapters are frustratingly short. It seems that once the flow (for the reader) gets going, the chapter\'s over. This may not matter much once the story\'s been fully posted, but the separation does interfere with readability now. Finally, I think some of the characterization is a little off. Now, I get that fan fiction as a rule is always going to be a little off, but I just thought maybe if you DID want to play with this fic in the future, you could take into consideration a few things. Hermione is acting a bit girlier than canon, more emotional and less invested in school. Canon!Hermione wouldn\'t be caught dead skipping class AND not doing her work just because she turned blonde. I highly doubt McGonagall would swear. Wow, that was a bit more than I was aiming for, but what the hey. I sincerely hope that this isn\'t taken as blatant criticism, because it most certainly isn\'t meant as such. You have a brilliant idea going here and I\'m definitely looking forward to how it\'s going to turn out. (By the way, did I mention you have impeccable taste in literature? I bet you\'d be brilliant fun to talk books with...)

Oh no what happens to Shakebolt?? I hope Snape did not do anything to him! Does Hermione trust herself to be with Snape? Will he try to do the right thing?? I can\'t wait for your next update!

I liked the idea behind this story. In the beginning, the writing was okay. However, in the later chapters it the writing has become very confusing, and most of the time I have no idea what is happening and why. In your rush to get the story out, you are producing a mush of incomprehensible chaotic ramblings. Snape gets captured by Malfoy, gets taken somewhere, then all of a sudden he\'s someplace with Shackelbolt and Hermione. And to add further confusion, someone or something is coming for Shacklebolt, and he asks Snape to take care of hermione. Huh?

Ch 14 - thank you for not ending the story there! Sigh....if you continue writing, I\'ll forgive the cliffhanger. I\'m glad Hermione still has some hope and wish Lupin would\'ve pointed out to her that Severus must have deliberately moved slowly, allowing her to break his wand. I wish Snape was smart enough to have a spare wand hidden somewhere. We\'ll see you next week for the update!

Love the confusing circumstances surrounding the Christmas Dance. The addition of Neville and Hermione attending together, even though it didn\'t last, ceratinly will help in distancing Ron from Hermione, or maybe it will make him so jealous that he\'ll follow her around like mad, making it much more difficult for anyone to do a snatch-and-grab. I look forward to your next chapter to see how the holidays unfold, especially since Snape seems to think that he might just not be coming back.

Another excellent chapter! I wonder how Snape is going to talk his way out of this one. He\'s managed to piss off both sides.

~Lisa

Ch 13 - ACK!!! No, no, you cannot leave it there!! I think Severus\' hideout should have spells that reverse Malfoy\'s curse to kill him instead of Severus, then Harry should tell Hermione that Severus was deliberately slow to obey Malfoy\'s orders. Then Hermione can fall in love with Severus and propose to him. Heck, she would enjoy reading the book just as much as he would! But please don\'t end the story here!

Ah, the horns of a dilemma. I am eager to see just what happens when Severus does get what he wants. Isn\'t there an oriental proverb that begins \'be careful what you wish...\'? Some very lovely escallation of tension in this chapter, the whether Severus really does repent/rescine and re-up with Voldemort. I quite like your Voldemort, he\'s almost charming in a dark lordish manner.

It\'s pretty obvious though, you can\'t trust Voldemort. However, I\'m hoping Snape can realign himself yet again. I really don\'t want Voldemort to win so it\'s Snape\'s on his side, I\'m going to have to be really torn. Nope, good must prevail! And Snape live! But if he\'s on the side of evil, both can\'t happen.

~Lisa