rate_review Reviews

Ch. 33 should be half the length. Other than that, the only things that slow down the story are the misuse of HP vocabulary words and the horrible spelling mistakes. The author says mistakes lend her writing, "character," but mostly they stop the flow of the story, make me lose my train of thought, make me think of English classes instead of the plot and characters. A beta could make this fic one of the all-time greats.

If you'd said you were Asian, everyone would have understood the broken English and the perfectly ordinary European/American size penis being called huge.

My friends and I have all been reading this story, and ...ta da!... I finished first. Good fic. Loved your Snape. Mixed reactions about Draco. Harry was appropriately juvenile, but seemed far too young for any kind of relationship. Not happy with the slapping (Harry, Snape) or the violence (Sirius), but over all the fic moved along at a fast pace, and kept me interested. Looking back, I'm not quite sure how you wrote so many words about nothing in particular (not major plot innovations) and still kept in interesting, but it was definitely entertaining. It would have been just as effective, if no moreso, without the detailed sex scenes. I doubt if any fanfic readers still need the old fashioned primer: One finger, two finger, three finger, penetration, reach around, climax.

"...until such time as your transition is complete the arrangement will remain in place.

7 1/2 is big??? not really, unless that is the width...6 is average 9-13 is big.
Good story otherwise

I've only read to chapter 6 so far and I think the story has promise but there are a couple of inconsistencies (spelling?). First, it seems like Harry is 6th year (he's 16, he knows Grimmauld Place, and he's had Occumency with Snape) but if so why isn't Sirius dead? What happened 5th year (surely not the whole Umbridge thing and the ministry wouldn't try to suspend him a second time). Also, if he is 6th year the twins wouldn't be in school (they are 7th year when Harry is 5th year). I also don't understand why Harry is safer in the Slytherin dorms. If he is just going to sleep there why can't he sleep in Gryfindor? It isn't like he is sharing Snape's chambers (which might make sense). He could still have lessons with and report to Snape while still keeping his bed in Gryfindor (are they afraid he'll do magic in his sleep and if so why are the Slytherins any safer?) I plan to continue reading but I wanted to let you know that while your story seems like it will be interesting being more precise will help the reader truly get into the story.

A realy good one, I must say!

Just got done reading chapter 23 and the flirtation is just
plain adorable man!

I am enjoying this fic very much - thank you! I do have one question; what has happened to Hedwig?

I loved this story. You have captured the characters perfectly. I was brought to tears at least two times w/the way you wrote Harry's rejection-first when he caught Snape w/ Malfoy... but mostly at the party when he overheard Snape say the kiss was only to keep Harry focused. I actually had to stop reading and reflex because I could feel Harry's pain so much myself.