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April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 21 - yay, Luna!! Thank you for not making her a ditzy airhead - more Ravenclaw power! I wonder what Remus will do now, since he no longer has to try to contain himself for Dudley\'s sake. Thank you for the new chapter.
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April 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting fic. The one thing you should watch is your use of the word \"of\" instead of \"have\". It\'s \"should have\", not \"should of\".
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April 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 20 - hmm, is that really Voldemort who now knows Harry is alive, or just a dream about Voldie? I\'m glad Draco and the twins have finally found Hermione and Harry. The flying car is a great and welcome addition!
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March 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I read all 18 chapters tonight, well, really 17. I am very impressed with this story. It\'s not typical, and it\'s very good! I would suggest a beta however, as the last chapter had several errors (Pansy is referred to in masculine form, some grammatical errors, and some spelling errors). But it is such an intriguing story, it doesn\'t hurt too much. If you should need a beta, I would be willing. A good story should not suffer from these mistakes and this is a terrific story!
~Lisa
~Lisa
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March 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 18 - \"THE LIFE OF AN INNOCENT SHALL BE SCARFICED\" - omigosh, I sure hope you don\'t mean Dobby, Severus, or Hermione! At least poor Trelawney isn\'t suffering any more. I hope you update again soon, please!
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March 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 17 - ack! Brave Winky! No, Dobby, no - must STAY there as Master Snape said! Groan.... I sure hope you send some help to Dobby soon. And the others - Hermione still alone with Harry, Draco and the twins still separated from them, etc. Please update soon!
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March 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'m still catching up with this when i can. You certainly weren\'t joking when you warned about the blood and gore! What are you going to do when something really BAD happens?? Um, would the moon be \'fiery\' ? Interesting to get Dudley involved as something other than a fat slug - we don\'t often get to see him thinking at all. To be honest, I\'m a bit confused now about what exactly is going on with everybody, but that\'s partly because I need to reread the earlier chapters - that\'s the problem with long gaps in between posting chapters.
Could you do a quick recap at the beginning of each new chapter - like: \'you remember how Dudders was in this cell with a ravening werewolf...? Well...\'
Could you do a quick recap at the beginning of each new chapter - like: \'you remember how Dudders was in this cell with a ravening werewolf...? Well...\'
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March 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 16 - yay, you\'re back! Thanks for letting us finally know for sure who is Lupin\'s cellmate - Dudley Dursley, probably because he\'s Harry Potter\'s last blood relative. Will be interesting to see whether his captors let him become Lupin\'s dinner, or become a werewolf, or get him out of the cell. I\'m still hoping you\'ll let Dobby live!
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January 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hi there,
I\'ve finally had time to catch up with the latest chapters of your story - (sorry, I\'ve been away, plus Christmas, blah, blah...).
What I really feel at this point is that i should go back to the beginning and read it all again from start to finish, because i feel that I am losing the continuity a little. Once the whole thing is written and posted I\'m sure it will hang together much more coherently, but reading it in installments, it comes over as just a bit fragmented. Or maybe my memory is just poor. I\'m not saying it doesn\'t work, just that you have so many \'groups\' of characters that there are alot of balls in the air to watch all at once...
What i like about it, and always have, is that your language and descriptions are extremely vivid, to the point of being quite uninhibited at times! For example, the bit about Harry and the \'black rot\' vomit was gruesomely graphic and very effective, (if unpleasant to imagine). I won\'t list all the descriptive phrases that struck me as being particularly good - it would take too long! Sometimes it isn\'t always the most vivid descriptions that are the most telling - I like, for instance, things like \'magical exposure\' (nice concept), the \'smell of dying magic\', the throat that felt like an \'open sore\' and the idea of Neville wearing \'robes that caused such dread\', none of which are especially graphic, but they work.
Your style seems to have changed quite a bit from the first few chapters - it is a lot more \'stream of consciousness\' now i.e. shorter, staccato sentences, abrupt phraseology etc. This gives the story great immediacy - occasionally at the expense of readability. Sometimes I read a few lines and have to re-read them to figure out exactly what has just happened. I kindof feel that you would get more variation in pace if you had more paragraphs that were a little slower and more conventional in terms of using linking words and phrases to join it all up, and then used the really racy style for the moments of crisis (yeah, I know there are quite a few of those!).
Having said that (and I hope you don\'t think I\'m being a pain...) it is a gripping story and I\'m pleased that you are continuing with it, after that break. I think you are doing a great job of showing the nuances of the characters\' mixed feelings towards each other. I am particularly enjoying Lupin and Draco - probably because i have read fewer fics about them, and so they have greater novelty for me - and I was delighted when Neville and Snape made a reappearance!
On a slightly different note, why did you decide to post on the AFF site, rather than continue submitting chapters to PP? Did they warn you off because of the \'ultimately adult content\' rating? I hope you keep letting the group know when you have updated - saves me having to log on here to check!
Keep up the good work.
Bellegeste
PS Glad you like LP/6. Thanks for the review.
I\'ve finally had time to catch up with the latest chapters of your story - (sorry, I\'ve been away, plus Christmas, blah, blah...).
What I really feel at this point is that i should go back to the beginning and read it all again from start to finish, because i feel that I am losing the continuity a little. Once the whole thing is written and posted I\'m sure it will hang together much more coherently, but reading it in installments, it comes over as just a bit fragmented. Or maybe my memory is just poor. I\'m not saying it doesn\'t work, just that you have so many \'groups\' of characters that there are alot of balls in the air to watch all at once...
What i like about it, and always have, is that your language and descriptions are extremely vivid, to the point of being quite uninhibited at times! For example, the bit about Harry and the \'black rot\' vomit was gruesomely graphic and very effective, (if unpleasant to imagine). I won\'t list all the descriptive phrases that struck me as being particularly good - it would take too long! Sometimes it isn\'t always the most vivid descriptions that are the most telling - I like, for instance, things like \'magical exposure\' (nice concept), the \'smell of dying magic\', the throat that felt like an \'open sore\' and the idea of Neville wearing \'robes that caused such dread\', none of which are especially graphic, but they work.
Your style seems to have changed quite a bit from the first few chapters - it is a lot more \'stream of consciousness\' now i.e. shorter, staccato sentences, abrupt phraseology etc. This gives the story great immediacy - occasionally at the expense of readability. Sometimes I read a few lines and have to re-read them to figure out exactly what has just happened. I kindof feel that you would get more variation in pace if you had more paragraphs that were a little slower and more conventional in terms of using linking words and phrases to join it all up, and then used the really racy style for the moments of crisis (yeah, I know there are quite a few of those!).
Having said that (and I hope you don\'t think I\'m being a pain...) it is a gripping story and I\'m pleased that you are continuing with it, after that break. I think you are doing a great job of showing the nuances of the characters\' mixed feelings towards each other. I am particularly enjoying Lupin and Draco - probably because i have read fewer fics about them, and so they have greater novelty for me - and I was delighted when Neville and Snape made a reappearance!
On a slightly different note, why did you decide to post on the AFF site, rather than continue submitting chapters to PP? Did they warn you off because of the \'ultimately adult content\' rating? I hope you keep letting the group know when you have updated - saves me having to log on here to check!
Keep up the good work.
Bellegeste
PS Glad you like LP/6. Thanks for the review.
schedule
January 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch 15 rewritten - ah, THAT explains why Severus and Neville are there! Hmm, do they really need Lucius? They can\'t just take over his followers, since Severus has more power than Lucius? Although I guess Severus still has to watch himself. Ooh, please write more - must get Hermione, Harry, Draco, Dobby, etc. all together again! And that guy with Lupin, too. Thanks for the update!