schedule
February 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This story is really good, and its building up to something really, really good,
but i do wish you would continue it. It\'s been so long since it was updated,
that i have to wonder if you\'re planning on continuing it at all.
Keep up the Good work!
but i do wish you would continue it. It\'s been so long since it was updated,
that i have to wonder if you\'re planning on continuing it at all.
Keep up the Good work!
schedule
November 24, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Please write more soon!!!!!!!!!
I love your fictions, especially the hp/ss ones, with Harry in Slytherin... I love the changes Harry goes through... And you make Snape sound like the perfect sex god... I have always pictured myself being sorted into Slytherin, and now you\'ve made me even surer:)
I think you write some of the best fiction out there, and I have read a lot of it:)
I love your fictions, especially the hp/ss ones, with Harry in Slytherin... I love the changes Harry goes through... And you make Snape sound like the perfect sex god... I have always pictured myself being sorted into Slytherin, and now you\'ve made me even surer:)
I think you write some of the best fiction out there, and I have read a lot of it:)
schedule
October 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I dunno if I have reviewed this fic before, but I I h I have read it. Lets kill Dumbledore off, I don\'t like him anyway. *smirk* He irks me the wrong way. Yea, nice smut, I am a sucker for Harry/Sevvie!
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October 19, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Wahh! It\'s been a while since your last update neh. Please update soon, I\'d really like to see what happens next.
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October 12, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Hey, I like the story, some of the wording could use a little work but it doesn\'t detract too much from the reading. Let me know if you want help with this. Neat concept.
schedule
October 12, 2003 at 12:00 AM
ch 3 review:
once again, good story, some of the spelling errors were a bit harsh though, mostly homophones (sound-alikes). Owls soar, sores are those painful things on skin. :P and then, \"I settle on my coach with my brandy\". Obviously, \'couch\' is the word you wanted. Do you have a beta? It is really important, it is difficult for people to edit their own writing since your brain knows what the word is supposed to be. Write me if you need help.
ch 4 :
well, I\'m glad you had him invite Sirius to stay; the dragon theme seemed like way too much of a Draco foreshadowing. The letter to Dumbledore also reflects what seems to be an awful lot of transformation in a relatively short period of time. Of course, we \'know\' from his communication with Snape and Draco that he is probably just bluffing Dumbledore, and not really planning to go to another school, but the line \"Reply with three days or your out of luck and it\'s good-bye Hogwarts hello another wizarding school\" seemed a bit less than totally believeable. Still though, fun story and an interesting read...always fun to watch Harry go shopping... \"Surreal Drive\" was cute too.
ch 5: I liked it. Seemed a bit more coherent, and less in possesion of far-fetched stuff that I would need suspend my disbelief for.
6: interesting stuff, and I like that you are working on showing people in ways that are different than usual, especially Vincent and Greg :P
7: should be, \"Bouts of Insanity\" ...and Harry never asked any of his questions from his Transfig. homework...but then, you did say you didn\'t enjoy writing dialogue.
8: oh, okay, you do have a beta. good chapter story-wise.
9: fascinating.
10: \"\"There was no since in them tripping over roots and injuring themselves.\"\" should be sense... once again, story line is enjoyabl11:\11:\"\"Harry looked at the clock to see that it was already passed lunch.\"\" should be \"past lunch\"
Pretty good dialogue there at the end--perhaps you have become more comfortable with it?
12: wow. ouchies.
13: ooh la la! dreamy dreams! :P The Blaise comments were funny!
14: \"\"some famous witch from the mid evil era\"\" Medieval is the name of the era.
\"\"you should see your face, Ginny. It\'s beat red.\"\" beet red...like the root vegetable
\"\"because of what happened my first year. You can look passed that.\"\" \'past that\'
\"\"Listening to the girls continuous rant, Hermione and Ginny\"\" should be, \"girl\'s\" (the rant belongs to Ginny)
\"\"Guess I\'ll have to start making sure that my friends now I\'m their friends\"\" \'know I\'m their friends\'
***I\'ve also noticed that several times, you say, \"use to [do something]\", like, \"Harry wasn\'t use to that\" This should be, \"used to\"
15: \"\" You\'re friend,\" motioning towards Harry, Madame Pince continued\"\" Should be, \"your friend\" the word \"you\'re\" is a contraction of \"you are\" When you are writing and editing, keep this in mind, and if the sentence would work with, \"you are\", then you should use \"you\'re\". I did notice in another chapter that you used, \"your\" when it should have been \"you\'re\" ...I hope this clarification helps you!
*big grin* heh, heh. nah, not tacky, in fact...My boyfriend was a devil and I was an angel last Halloween! :D It\'s great fun!
cool, fun chapter.
16: \"\"Harry noticed that their was a large, green snake coiled on the back.\"\" There was... \'their\' : adj. possesive form of \'they\'
\"\"Guess I should make sure that their isn\'t something their for my victims to break their backs on.\"\" both cases should be \'there\', not \'their\'
Overall, good chapter. I like that he does the \'right thing\' and goes to Dumbledore.
17: Plotting!Dumbledore, eh? Hmm... seems to be Manipulative!D, too... interesting...
18: Evil!FullOfHatred!Harry? Hmm... Well, his relishing a torture scene was certainly a side of him *I* don\'t see much...but then I don\'t read very much stuff at the dark arts. :P Yes, the kissing scene was nice. *claps* good job.
19: good chapter. interesting about Harry casting the spell to cause Sev to have the dream.
20: \"\" How he did this was a true feet. \"\" should be, \"feat\"
\"\"It hadn\'t melted it, nor caused a whole,\"\" should be, \"nor caused a hole\"
Good chappie. the \"Gah\" was so funny and cute! the lovey ness at the end was nice, too. :)
21: Uh, D\'dore dealing *permanently* with Harry? I mean, it is just soooo OOC...I mean, it is in char for the D\'dore you\'ve been creating, but...I\'m still having a hard time suspending my disbelief on this one.
and what\'s Dean\'s problem? ...
22: Um, I don\'t hate you, but EW. I mean, um...not even any lube? that is so horrid. And, btw, lubed only has one \'b\'. \'lubbed\' sounds like a mispronounciation of \'loved\'
23: good.
24: Hmm...I\'m curious as to what D\'dore\'s grand plan/se ise is, but, sheesh, I am finding that I really don\'t much care for this D\'dore...obviously this is way AU... interesting plot stuffs, anyhow. And yes, you are evil....hopefully just in a fictive way. :)
25: pretty good chap, the bond was neat and the comfort nice, but what about the snake venom? No checking Harry\'s arms for the puncture? Of course, that would be too easy... :P
26: good!
27: Ack! okay, that was really, really, really good...and I need to know what happens!!! How will they deal with D\'dore, and what was his evil plan?!?!?!?! So, yes, Puh-lease! update (& complete) SOON!!! And let me know if ya need help. kay! Good writing vibes I send you!
once again, good story, some of the spelling errors were a bit harsh though, mostly homophones (sound-alikes). Owls soar, sores are those painful things on skin. :P and then, \"I settle on my coach with my brandy\". Obviously, \'couch\' is the word you wanted. Do you have a beta? It is really important, it is difficult for people to edit their own writing since your brain knows what the word is supposed to be. Write me if you need help.
ch 4 :
well, I\'m glad you had him invite Sirius to stay; the dragon theme seemed like way too much of a Draco foreshadowing. The letter to Dumbledore also reflects what seems to be an awful lot of transformation in a relatively short period of time. Of course, we \'know\' from his communication with Snape and Draco that he is probably just bluffing Dumbledore, and not really planning to go to another school, but the line \"Reply with three days or your out of luck and it\'s good-bye Hogwarts hello another wizarding school\" seemed a bit less than totally believeable. Still though, fun story and an interesting read...always fun to watch Harry go shopping... \"Surreal Drive\" was cute too.
ch 5: I liked it. Seemed a bit more coherent, and less in possesion of far-fetched stuff that I would need suspend my disbelief for.
6: interesting stuff, and I like that you are working on showing people in ways that are different than usual, especially Vincent and Greg :P
7: should be, \"Bouts of Insanity\" ...and Harry never asked any of his questions from his Transfig. homework...but then, you did say you didn\'t enjoy writing dialogue.
8: oh, okay, you do have a beta. good chapter story-wise.
9: fascinating.
10: \"\"There was no since in them tripping over roots and injuring themselves.\"\" should be sense... once again, story line is enjoyabl11:\11:\"\"Harry looked at the clock to see that it was already passed lunch.\"\" should be \"past lunch\"
Pretty good dialogue there at the end--perhaps you have become more comfortable with it?
12: wow. ouchies.
13: ooh la la! dreamy dreams! :P The Blaise comments were funny!
14: \"\"some famous witch from the mid evil era\"\" Medieval is the name of the era.
\"\"you should see your face, Ginny. It\'s beat red.\"\" beet red...like the root vegetable
\"\"because of what happened my first year. You can look passed that.\"\" \'past that\'
\"\"Listening to the girls continuous rant, Hermione and Ginny\"\" should be, \"girl\'s\" (the rant belongs to Ginny)
\"\"Guess I\'ll have to start making sure that my friends now I\'m their friends\"\" \'know I\'m their friends\'
***I\'ve also noticed that several times, you say, \"use to [do something]\", like, \"Harry wasn\'t use to that\" This should be, \"used to\"
15: \"\" You\'re friend,\" motioning towards Harry, Madame Pince continued\"\" Should be, \"your friend\" the word \"you\'re\" is a contraction of \"you are\" When you are writing and editing, keep this in mind, and if the sentence would work with, \"you are\", then you should use \"you\'re\". I did notice in another chapter that you used, \"your\" when it should have been \"you\'re\" ...I hope this clarification helps you!
*big grin* heh, heh. nah, not tacky, in fact...My boyfriend was a devil and I was an angel last Halloween! :D It\'s great fun!
cool, fun chapter.
16: \"\"Harry noticed that their was a large, green snake coiled on the back.\"\" There was... \'their\' : adj. possesive form of \'they\'
\"\"Guess I should make sure that their isn\'t something their for my victims to break their backs on.\"\" both cases should be \'there\', not \'their\'
Overall, good chapter. I like that he does the \'right thing\' and goes to Dumbledore.
17: Plotting!Dumbledore, eh? Hmm... seems to be Manipulative!D, too... interesting...
18: Evil!FullOfHatred!Harry? Hmm... Well, his relishing a torture scene was certainly a side of him *I* don\'t see much...but then I don\'t read very much stuff at the dark arts. :P Yes, the kissing scene was nice. *claps* good job.
19: good chapter. interesting about Harry casting the spell to cause Sev to have the dream.
20: \"\" How he did this was a true feet. \"\" should be, \"feat\"
\"\"It hadn\'t melted it, nor caused a whole,\"\" should be, \"nor caused a hole\"
Good chappie. the \"Gah\" was so funny and cute! the lovey ness at the end was nice, too. :)
21: Uh, D\'dore dealing *permanently* with Harry? I mean, it is just soooo OOC...I mean, it is in char for the D\'dore you\'ve been creating, but...I\'m still having a hard time suspending my disbelief on this one.
and what\'s Dean\'s problem? ...
22: Um, I don\'t hate you, but EW. I mean, um...not even any lube? that is so horrid. And, btw, lubed only has one \'b\'. \'lubbed\' sounds like a mispronounciation of \'loved\'
23: good.
24: Hmm...I\'m curious as to what D\'dore\'s grand plan/se ise is, but, sheesh, I am finding that I really don\'t much care for this D\'dore...obviously this is way AU... interesting plot stuffs, anyhow. And yes, you are evil....hopefully just in a fictive way. :)
25: pretty good chap, the bond was neat and the comfort nice, but what about the snake venom? No checking Harry\'s arms for the puncture? Of course, that would be too easy... :P
26: good!
27: Ack! okay, that was really, really, really good...and I need to know what happens!!! How will they deal with D\'dore, and what was his evil plan?!?!?!?! So, yes, Puh-lease! update (& complete) SOON!!! And let me know if ya need help. kay! Good writing vibes I send you!
schedule
October 12, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I really, really hate to say this as I usually only give positive feedback, but in the interests of seeing a very good story not end badly I have to.
This is in no way personal or a flame. I enjoyed the beginning of the story immensely and aside from some spelling problems and usage innacuracies it was quite well done up until approximately chapter 19. At that point numerous plot holes developed and the changes of pov became confusing as well as rampant OOC-ness (even to the character changes that you developed). The last 3 chapters are very incoherent and I would suggest a thorough edit if not a rewrite.
I am once again very sorry if I have offended you that is not my intent. If I can help I would be happy to or explain in greater detail if you wish.
This is in no way personal or a flame. I enjoyed the beginning of the story immensely and aside from some spelling problems and usage innacuracies it was quite well done up until approximately chapter 19. At that point numerous plot holes developed and the changes of pov became confusing as well as rampant OOC-ness (even to the character changes that you developed). The last 3 chapters are very incoherent and I would suggest a thorough edit if not a rewrite.
I am once again very sorry if I have offended you that is not my intent. If I can help I would be happy to or explain in greater detail if you wish.
schedule
October 11, 2003 at 12:00 AM
That was fantastic. Finally, a Harry who takes control and deals with his upbringing. I love his \"new\" attitude and want more. I hope Harry really comes into his own now. and I can\'t wait to find out what he did to Dumbledore. More, soon, please???
schedule
September 23, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Please update soon!!!!!!!!!! I love this story and the other one, taken. Please please please update them!!!!!!!!! They are ame sme stories!!!!!!! :)
schedule
September 6, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Please please please update soon! You are a great writer, and have a wonderful plot going on in this fic. You have to update soon!