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November 5, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I normally don't go for stories in which the Light side loses, but I believe that you really have something going with this story. I think that it may be good for it to be taken out of first person or at least switch it around ... I'm looking forward to you updating ...
schedule
November 5, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Ch 1 - well, once you start a story in first-person, it's probably a good idea to continue. But you can switch - e.g., write Ch2 in first-person from Severus' POV.
Story-wise, it looks like he was supposed to kill her but he didn't, so now she has to be hidden; if he hides her, it might be because he really loves her. I just can't imagine Severus unintentionally botching a killing curse. The brown-vs-black eye thing - it could be Hermione is wrong, that his eyes are brown when he is hiding his true feelings, not necessarily that he is exposing his real feelings. Perhaps he had to act the role as traitor because he could see Harry was goiing to fail. All that to say, he may or may not be a real traitor, depending on what you do next with this story.
Story-wise, it looks like he was supposed to kill her but he didn't, so now she has to be hidden; if he hides her, it might be because he really loves her. I just can't imagine Severus unintentionally botching a killing curse. The brown-vs-black eye thing - it could be Hermione is wrong, that his eyes are brown when he is hiding his true feelings, not necessarily that he is exposing his real feelings. Perhaps he had to act the role as traitor because he could see Harry was goiing to fail. All that to say, he may or may not be a real traitor, depending on what you do next with this story.