rate_review Reviews

Well, that was another interesting chapter and it did answer a few of my questions, but I'm left with more.
ape ape gave Hermione a long explanation but mentioned that all the men in the room were contacted, contracts that can be broken. He said he was technically the only available single male. He told her his physical reaction to her was normal. While I was reading it, I interpreted that as him leaning towards deciding to keep her for himself. But your comment at the end of the story is that they will not be getting together. So why is this being listed as a HG/SS story? It's a good story but perhaps it should be in the general section.

Other question: How old is Snape in this Universe? Like someone mentioned, even if he and his wife started procreating right after school, the eldest son is a bit old. Unless his late wife was a bit older than he and they started having babies when he was Hermione's age? I think sometimes timelines can be fudged a few years here or there but in some ways, details of your story make it necessary for the timeline to be a bit more rigid. imo

The other thing is the spanking to the extreme. I realize that spanking seems to be an integral part of sexual role play in BDSM scenarios but since they are not in that kind of relationship, wouldn't the extremity of physical force seem a bit harsh borderline abusive. She's a smart, well-behaved girl in gene not not one to go against authority...so does she really deserve such excessive punishment? Just curious. I used corporal punshment on my kids when they were little (spanking) so I'm not saying it doeshavehave it's place in some situations, but a 14 year old? It just came off as more abusive than anything. I think Severus is the only one who got off on it.

I look forward to more backstory, especially Hermione's year in the past and I hope you reconsider the pairing as well as the extent of abuse. This has the potential for being a very sexy story if the BDSM doesn't denegrate to flagarant violence and sexual molestation of Hermione.

not bad

I was curious from the beginning of this story to see where you are going but this chapter seems to be quite divergent. You are suddenly introducing a father (and head) of the Snape family that is not Severus as well as sons for Severus from this wife that died? Any children Severus had would have had would be roughly Hermione's age at best (if he got married right out of school and had a child immediately like the Potters did) but if this is the case, where are they being educated? Why is he choosing her for his sons? Obviously he wants power but if that's the case, why not claim her as his? And if this is what was intended, why wasn't his father presiding over the ceremony? The ceremony reads like one for Royal houses in the Middle Ages yet in all those the most senior official took part, the stand in for the groom before the long trip to their new home-and you have already indicated that is not Severus. It would be far more powerful from the head of the line from the way you set this ritual. Added to it that you went quite far into the squick zone there for a bit-if she is for his sons then he steps over several lines in his manner towards her, even if you were going for a more Middle Ages arranged marriage through others vibe. Additionally, that was an awful lot of blood for it only to be her barrier-for the few women who have one (that isn't destroyed through sports, tampons, etc.) generally it is very little blood, any more and there is tissue torn and bleeding.

Basically this is quite well written but I have rather large questions with how this fits in wite pre previous chapters and what it does for the story. If she really is that powerful at 14 then the pertrificus wouldn't have stopped her from apparating nor would his "anchoring" her stop her magic from backlashing violently to him as he violated her. Even the completion of this "spell" shouldn't have protected him as worked up as she already was. Add in the concerns with this occurring to a 14 year old when it was alleged it was a ceremony for infants and there are some serious concerns with intent and future possibilities.

I wasn't to sure about this at the beginning, but I am really enjoying it now. I can't wait for more.

Heh heh! Good one you have there.
Loving Snape is sweet but bastard Snape is more interesting. All is up to you just making sure that you update soon!

Thanks,
Rainny

You did better on keeping it in past tense in this chapter, but there were several gramatical errors. Your handling of the emotions his vis very nice, but it really would come across more powerfully if you had a beta who could clean up the grammar and help with the wording which is a bit awkward in places.

Okay, gramar aside, this story is really different. I can't want to see what hapens next. I'm looking forward to learning more about all this, and Hermione's year spent in the past, and who Snape is in this. You're right about there not being a lot of information about Snape...I also use what JKR has said about him in interviews to charachterize him because in the books there isn't a whole lot to go on about who he is. I'm looking forward to book six since I think there will be a lot more information...I have a suspicion that Snape is the half-blood prince, but I'm not sure. And all that happened in front of a crowd....Lupin was there....who else?

As to Snape being nice or mean, I think he would be very strict, not very nice. I read your reviews thus far and apparently people have been traumatised by my story, but really, I have a hard time seeing Snape as loving and sweet, he's just not, though maybe he thinks he can be in his own way.

I'm decidedly confused???? I kinda thought they were being married??? I'll guess you'll explain it in due time, hope to read more though you've got me stumped! alicia xox

Another interesting chapter. Do the purebloods do this to babies then? I suppose it may not be as traumatizing to an infant that does not know what's happening. An infant is *used to* being naked and poked and prodded to an extent, unlike a teen, who would find it totally frightening and humiliating.
I'm curious about a few things, though. How long does Hermione have to remain literally untouchable after the ceremony? I mean, how is she going to be abo noo not have any contact with people while going to school full of other kids? Can he touch her? How about any member of his family?
What's Snape's backstory? He obviously had a wife as you mentioned her loss. When did he lose her, during the first war? You mentioned his sons, plural. How many and how old?
If he obtained her as part of his family to secure future marriage contracts with his sons, how wouldn't one of them end up definitely married to her? (You mentioned that if she didn't marry on of his sons, perhaps she'd be worthy for him...)
I again think you are doing a good job keeping Snape in character, as much as we know of him, as strict and serious. But I think that, while he can definitely be a bastard when angered or crossed, he also has that potential for being caring and gentle. He must have some experience with that since, in your universe, he was married and has children. He may have to adjust his approach with Hermione if all he has are sons and is not used to girls. IMO
At any rate, I think it would be helpful to add in a little back history here and there to explain the hints of AU information. Especially the red hair thing (can you tell that bugs me? LOL) ;)
Again, this is definitely an interesting twist on the marriage law stories. Keep posting as much as you can as often as you can. I'm already hooked.

I admit I wasn't overly crazy with the first two parts but this third was very interesting. I can't wait to read more. Great job on this last chapter.

Wow...just wow. I'm still not sure what all is happening here, apparently that will be filled in as the story goes along. I was so glad to see a chapter two when I hit refresh on the AFF page.

One suggestion, while this is very powerfully written, you have a tendancy to slip between past and present tense. The s wou would read much more smoothly if this were corrected and kept in past tense. Other than that, you have captured the emotiothe the fear...and I'm still not sure what to think of Snape in this story...is he really looking out for her, or has he manipulated her parents into accepting this? Going on what I've seen so far I'm leaning a bit towards he's actually looking out for her...but I do have some doubt. Either way, this should prove to be a very good story.