rate_review Reviews

Please don't be discouraged by the close-mindedness of others! I think your story is just fascinating, and I hope to see an update soon.

Re timeline - "Hermione would not be 15 for almost 4 more months" - this means your story (the "cony"ony" part) takes place immediately after her fourth year (after Dumbledore tells Severus to go back to Voldemort), and before her fifth year (which is when "Order of the Phoenix" occurs). So you can't have "Order members" present since Ord Order hasn't yet been introduced. Also, since Voldemort is alive and Severus is supposedly a loyal Death Eater, I don't think Sevewoulwould have guests like Lupin or others who are hostile to Voldemort. It would probably be better if you made Hermione older - maybe the start of her sixth or seventh year.

I don't know about this one, it seems to be wobbling a bit. You have already indicated through Hermione's investigations with other contracted girls that this ceremony usually occurs when the girls are younger. If so, the this scenario makes Master Snape a child molester for his treatment of Severus's wife and the purebloods as a whole a group of sexual predators. Additionally, many of the requirements on Hermione while there seem more for the purposes of manipulation and degradation-she must be in close contact, no contact with friends or family, she must abide by their wishes at all times, she has no ability to protect herself and she can't even choose to have time alone or to sleep as "skin on skin" contact is required. Honestly, I see absolutely no value in this for Hermione-her parents have betrayed her into a life of slavery at best, gang banging at worst. She is forced to rely on the protection of a man who has already bound and violated her on mulitple occasions and added to this her free will, magic, and control over her body have all be taken from her. If it were me, I would be looking for the poison or practicing all the eviceration and demasculation spells I knew-or mostmost painful I could find.

The spanking was excessive. A certain number of hits dependant upon the infraction is fine and can be an excellent learning tool. But when you have Snape "spanked her until she was gasping for breath" following an ordered number of spankings you have lost the purpose entirely.e ofe of thumb is one spank for ever year in age, in other words you would not spank a 4 year old 10 times because at that point they comprehend the pain, not the link between bad behaviour and the punishment. Based his his description and the spankings during the ceremony and later at home you have gone far past the 14 she has into at least double that number. Again, this seems more to humiliate and degrade her than teach her the new world she has been inducted into and corrpoorpoor behaviour.

While the remark on where the boys go to school is appreciated, the ages still don't fit. It is a matter of canon that Snape and the Potters were in the same year. As is the fact that the Potters married right out of school and had Harry soon after. At best, Snape gets married right out of school and his wife is immediately pregnant. That puts his first kid born roughly a year after he graduates making him maybe 15/16 now if Hermione and Harry are 14 now. You put him far too old for this scenario-fudging a year or two is ok, but when age is this integral to the plot you can't go that far into fudging canon.

We know little about pureblood culture beyond the "grey areas" alluded to in the books. While I fairly enjoyed your fleshing out the structure, I cannot reconcile what you show with what we know from canon. In this world everyone is contracted at birth and married soon after graduation. You would have an extremely laropulopulation of young parents and young grandparents. Even if each couple only has one child, you have already greatly increased the population of Hogwarts. Add to it that this scenario makes all women property contingent on their fathers or husbands decree with little to no considerate treatment and I see no reason why the women have not utterly destroyed the men. Even in cultures where this is practiced today there is consideration and special care give to women and mothers.

Who is Sarah? There was no Sarah mentioned before this?

If she is contracted to the Snape family this should be removed from HG/SS category. You are playing back and forth rather coyly with who she will be matched with-while establishing that it won't be him. If that is the case then this is HG/OC and belongs in a different category. Added to that, Hermione is no longer a virgin. Penetrating by an object still counts under every criminal code I have ever worked with. While she did nnjoynjoy the experience any woman can tell you the first time isn't always great. So while it wasn't with a penis she can no longer claim virgin status-there are even witnesses.

While I am curious about where you are going with this, I must admit that each sucessive chapter becomes slightly more humiliating and horrific from a female point of view. I like Marriage Law Challenge stories and I especially like stories where Severus is not a shiny, happy person just looking for the right person to love him. So while I am interested for your building of pureblood society and your take on this challenge I am incredibly concerned for the subissiveness and degradation that Hermione seems to be in for-I simply cannot see canon Hermione, even at 14, submitting to becoming a sexualized womb with magic. This is your story and it is fascinating but please keep an eye on the violence and sexual molestation. This is far too good an idea to be debased to a sexual gang bang scenario that it seems to be heading for.

NOW I KNOW WHY YOU SUPPORTED RACHELW. YOU ARE AS SICK AS SHE IS.

It's really hard to know what to say about this story. It's a really interesting premise for a story but I'm starting to lose the plot a bit. I would like to be wrong, and will continue to read, but wanted to bring up a couple of points that have struck me at this stage in the story.

Firstly, I cannot imagine how this is better for Hermione than being a muggleborn in the wizarding world. So far she has no respect, no dignity, no free will, no chance to be herself and her body is distinctly not her own to do with as she chooses. Was the idea that she would be better off simply a ruse to get her from her parents so that she could be abused? If so, this doesn't seem part of the setting up of the story at all. I'm afraid it'll be like one of those murder mystery novels where you try to guess who did it, and it was the third person in the bus queue on page 5 who has no other mention in the story. If there is foreshadowing of this in the story, then it's passed me by.

Secondly, the binding ceremony really did start to read as a 'top ten of horrible things you can do to a young woman'. Is there any more to come? I think less is more, and there's way too much.

Thirdly, if tindiinding ceremony was meant to be used on a child, then the wizarding world is full of perverts who get off on humiliating and degrading children. Lupin seemed to know the score, so presumably the purebloods do. Why did they stand by and let it happen? Why does the binding have to be sexual? What is the purpose of that? Are adults suppoto bto be sexually attracted to babies and small children for it to work?

I'm still hoping all of these will be answered by the story, so I will continue to read for a while.

Lastly, if this isn't Snape/Hermione you really should move it. Shippers are very protective as you know and you'll only get pointless flames!

Ch 4 - who's Sarah?? Is that Severus' daughter?? Will her mate be chosen at the end of the six weeks? Can Severus use Obliviate on the guys? (I doubt I'd want my stepsons to remember kissing me like that!) If this is to marry her off to one of the sons, then why did Severus' father and cousins get to kiss her too? and why was Remus there at the wedding? Having to sleep nude for six weeks - her menstrual cycle will occur during that time, and she still can't wear underwear to bed? "Professor Snape and Hermione are not getting married, yet if ever" - eeks! That sounds scary. "If his sons didn

If Hermione and Severus aren't going to get together, why is it in that section?

And why on earth do you think being treated like shit is sexy in any way?

this is one of the best marriage law stories i've read so far... very original and to be honest i can hardly wait for the rest of it...

This is your story and it's a clinically fascinating path you're choosing to take. This set up is extremely medieval, and like another reviewer mentioned, has strains of middle-eastern sexual and cultural aspects. Extremely repressive and very manipulative. Frankly, I find it difficult to see why the Snape family would be any better for Hermione than the Malfoy family, for example, s the the only thing Snape wants her for is the raping of her magical power and her womb. As you have set it up thus far, Hermione's free will has been usurped, she's become chattel, something like a bound concubine for the Snape family's sexual use. This reminds me in many ways of "Handmaid's Tail." However, in this case I think the circumstances are extremely unpalatable for Hermione, her parents appear to have been duped, and I would think that she'd find their decision as a betrayal, considering the reason she wanted to remain in the magical world is for her magic... which is no longer within her control. If the Hermione you are choosing to create is very fearful and submissive then the entire scenario works... however, that characterization bears little resemblance to the canon Hermione, wouldould fight this tooth and nail, regardless of whether she were 14 or not (the age is a brilliant choice, because she's too young to really assert her independence). I think it's very difficult for a child raised in a home with parents who have a fairly equal marriage to accept submission in all things with goodwill, or even equanimity. Once again, this is fascinating but repellant in one stroke.

Here I'm thinking I'm going to read a story about Snape & Hermione, and its like a prelude to a gang bang. If Snape and she are not going to get married then this story belongs somewhere else. Your story is very well written, and the detail is great. But, I think you should put it somewhere else.