rate_review Reviews

Your wizard world is a scary scary place for women....its a wonder that you haven\'t have a massive group of young women killing themselves before they find themselves contracted. What kind of world is worth living in if this is what you have to look forward too? This is why everyone hates the Talaban in Afghanistan....your world is just as bad except its more perverted and dirty. I have nothing else to say other than I am truly sorry that such a new creative idea for a story could be turned into a perverse thing. I am reminded of that sicko story that was written earlier in the year of the actors that play Hermione and Snape getting involved by him doing things to the underage bratty actress. Its such a sad thing to read in fanfiction.

i like a lot but arg!!!!!! your grammer is not the best, Irregardless is not a word, simply and homestly it is not a word it does not exsist use speel check thats what a computer is for, then send it to your beta and if your beta fails to pick up such a trival mistake, Get Rid Of Them

Nevertheless i absoluetly adore your story, please continue

^____^

I love this. I just wish it was Snape that Hermonie ends up choosing. Or, him choosing her. Please continue writing this.

Thanks for updating! I\'ve read the chapters several times and have questions, which you\'ll probably answer in future chapters, but I\'m already curious anyway.

Ch 7 - boy, you really have me confused now, but I think that\'s the way you want it. Hermione is right, how could he have known about the upcoming marriage law \"at the foot of The Dark Lord\" and start seeing the Grangers in her first year if Voldemort only came back \"for sure\" at end of her fourth year? (Unless he heard it from Voldemort-on-Quirrell\'s-head in Hermione\'s first year?? or from Tom Riddle in Ginny Weasley\'s first year??) I\'m curious about what she\'ll learn.

Ch 8 - re Samuel (betrothed to a possible Squib) and a mistress - so men don\'t have to be faithful to their wives?? \"dispose of her himself\" - you mean Severus would kill Samuel\'s betrothed?
== \"Severus indicated for her to be mother.\" - I\'m not sure of this...what does this mean?
== \"I can tap into your thoughts any time I like\" - uh-oh, she better learn Occlumency fast!
== \"Each son will have a task for you\" - task??? Doesn\'t sound like she\'ll get much privacy, much less be able to study in the library.
== re her tattoo - hmm, sounds like the boys should be forbidden from touching it, or from ordering her to touch it
== \"Snape grunted but no more as he received his jolt for initiating the whole incident.\" - but he didn\'t get the jolt until AFTER she finished doing what he ordered her to do. Shouldn\'t the jolt prevent him (and the boys) from giving the wrong order in the first place?
== \"There will be no inter-cavity activity between any parties...you should not pull away when touched or caressed...It really doesn

Ive been reading this stroy all weekend and I really love it. Though it strange that I want hermoine to end up with the blue eyed cousin. O well I guess I am not a HG/SS puritan. But I fing this story really great since their are so many ways this story can go. I cant wait For more.
Melissa

Okay, I really think this is a really interresting story idea and it\'s like reading some of my strangest, darkest fantasies come to life (I\'m like, wow, someone else\'s fantasies are as warped as mine, cool). You are doing a good job of presenting the charachters attitudes....However...

I get the feeling your plot is starting to spin out of control...it\'s like juggling and ending up with balls getting tossed every direction instead of staying in the neat patern. You\'ve contradicted yourself several times, and several things are very unclear. It doesn\'t seem like you\'ve planned out the rules of your story very well. I would highly suggest taking a breather, and working on the rules your story is set by first. What is the history of these rituals? What normally goes on in this situation? Even if you don\'t write about it directly in the story, it helps to have these ideas firmly cemented in your head...sometimes I\'ll write out a LOT of stuff that doesn\'t end up actually in the story...charachter backhistories and other things, that while they aren\'t in the story, they do affect the story and give me a firm idea from which to write.

Also, Snape and his kids...the only big problem is that Snape is too young to have a son who is 20ish. Unless, he had the child when he was 16?

I don\'t want you to get discouraged...this is a really interresting story and just plain shivery to read. I really do like it a lot. It\'s just that some of the stuff is a bit too glaring in error and contradictory to either canon or your earlier chapters that it interrupts the fantasy.

And, if she\'s not going to end up with Severus Snape, I\'d have to agree with some of the others that it really doesn\'t belong in the Snape/Hermione category since all your Snapes except for Severus are your origional charachters, and not canon charachters. But, I have a feeling she\'ll end up with Severus Snape :-) Keep writing!

I have to say I\'m completely confused. This story is way too full of contradiction. The idea/concept is great but .... you really need to work things out a edit better.

NIce story, I\'m really enjoying it!. If you have a mailing list for updates, can you add em to it? Thanks.

This is really good, could you please e-mail me when you update this, if it\'s not too much trouble?

Sincerely,
Meep

I must admit that this is an interesting read for me. I have never read a fic with this sort of content involved, so it is all a new experience for me. However I am enjoying the storyline. Snape does come across to me (in your fic and the books) as a proud, pure blooded traditionalist.
His behaviour is not at all surprising to me, it is how I imagined him to be (without the disciplinary actions). Though it is understandable as my father used to use the strap on myself and my brother, and of course we had the cane at school.
Keep up the good work. I am intrigued.