schedule
September 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This was incredibly hot and sexy! More, , mo, more, please!
schedule
September 7, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Wow... Wow wow wow.... *points* You! You must write more for us poor and unfortunate Sirius/Remus fans! There's not enough really well done stuff like this out there! Please keep writing! You're really good. The only complaint I can make is the fluxuation between tenses, but as for the content and execution, it's really beautiful! Keep it up!
schedule
September 7, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This is really really good, but I noticed in the second half of the story, you tended to switch from past tense to present tense and back again, etc.
eg: "Letting out a moan, Sirius pushed his hips downward, hoping to take in more of his finger. Remus slid his finger in and out, his mouth mg upg up and down on Sirius' cock. All the while, he's moving the finger deeper, searching, until Sirius' spine arches and Remus knows he's found it."
You go from "Sirius pushed" and "Remus slid" to "he's moving the finger deeper" and "Remus knows he's found it"
It's just slightly confusing and very irritating, at least for me. :) But, don't get me wrong, it's still a wonderful piece of fanfic, and KEEP WRITING please!!!
eg: "Letting out a moan, Sirius pushed his hips downward, hoping to take in more of his finger. Remus slid his finger in and out, his mouth mg upg up and down on Sirius' cock. All the while, he's moving the finger deeper, searching, until Sirius' spine arches and Remus knows he's found it."
You go from "Sirius pushed" and "Remus slid" to "he's moving the finger deeper" and "Remus knows he's found it"
It's just slightly confusing and very irritating, at least for me. :) But, don't get me wrong, it's still a wonderful piece of fanfic, and KEEP WRITING please!!!