rate_review Reviews

So glad to see a new story by you. It seems such a long time since you posted. Already this seems to be a very interesting story. Please get a beta. There were many mistakes in ch 1 alone. I don\'t mean to be very picky,but I thought it might help for some of them to be pointed out. 1st you go back and forth with the pronoun for Crookshanks referring to it as her in a few places and then changing to he( I think cannon is he but not sure),ie \"ginger cat mewed softly as her master.... \"Hermione wondered alongringly..\" What is that last word? I couldn\'t even figure out what word you may have meant. In one sentence your word order made it sound like Hermion was missing her \"absent\"fingertips. Perhaps you meant to use absentmindedly. Please review proper use of plurals and possessive and the plural possessive. These are all mixed up. Ron and Harry were like her brothers ( plural =s w/o apostrophe) Her parents would have been proud ( parents should be w/o apostrophe in this case as it is only plural) Parent\'s murder( this should be parents\' murder as it is plural -both parents and possessive as the murder belonged to them. I know it can get confusing. A few odd sentences The house was a cherished part of Hermione\'s home. Was there more to her home?The garage perhaps? Maybe it would read better The house was a cherished part of H\'s childhood or it held cherished memories. Another odd( to my ear) sentence was,\"... as he continued his duration to the dungeons...\" replace duration( length of time) with another word ie trek, walk, trip, way etc.
Please don\'t take any of this as a flame. I just know that many readers will skip stories if they have too many errors and I hate the thought of readers skipping over yours when I know from past stories how original of a writer you are (yes,preposition at the end of a sentence-send the grammar police).
Keep on updating.

Umm, are you using a beta? There\'re no spelling mistakes, but there are some duplications and some imagery that don\'t quite work out in my mind. E.g. \"...in a way, blah-blah in a way...\" and when Crookshanks growl and she feels his fur under her \"absent fingers\" it would probably be more clear if she absently felt his fur under her fingers...

I love all your stories and can\'t hold it against you that you have several going at the same time and are starting a new one, write more soon! (Any or all of them that is ;) )

Hey, it\'s been awhile since I\'ve read this. Glad to find another chapter!!

Innogen

Great work. I can\'t wait to see what happens next.

hurry up! write more to this!