schedule
July 4, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Please, don\'t take this as a mean comment. I don\'t mean it to be. I\'m trying to help. There\'s a bit of a plot flaw in your story. When Lucius wakes up, you say he checks on Narcissa who is still sleeping, but when he speaks to Snape, he says that Narcissa is gone. You never say anything about her leaving. Did she leave while he was in the shower? If that is the case, then you should say so because, otherwise, it\'s a little confusing.
schedule
June 29, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Well done, I liked it!