schedule
June 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Altogether very well done, but there are two things you can improve on.
1) Elaborate more. We as the reader can not see what is in your head. You need to use words and descriptions to tell us. What does the room look like? Is his hair down? Does it flow across her skin? et cetara.
2) Please try to focus on correct spelling and grammar. If the story is not edited or spell checked, then no one will want to read it.
I hope this helps.
1) Elaborate more. We as the reader can not see what is in your head. You need to use words and descriptions to tell us. What does the room look like? Is his hair down? Does it flow across her skin? et cetara.
2) Please try to focus on correct spelling and grammar. If the story is not edited or spell checked, then no one will want to read it.
I hope this helps.
schedule
July 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hey Who is it?Please be Hermione!Oh I think You should continue on how this all happened you know like when they first Realised each others feelings....(If its hermione of course!)