rate_review Reviews

So funny seeing the note about HBP being anounced and lily, James, remus, peter, and Severus were all the same year so james and severus cant have the same mother like that it was so funny 

Forgive me, but i couldn't get passed the third chapter. i just couldn't read any more. perhaps better planning. it was good in some parts, aside from a few grammatical errors, but then it started going all over the place. with better planning before you write something, and reading it over a few times, maybe getting a beta as well, and i'm sure you will show promise. good luck

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters? Or can you write a sequel to this story please?

I really hate to do this. Many of your reviews state that it is a great parody, I don\'t really think you meant to write a parody. At least you never state it is one. I read your story and although it was a interesting plot you had, the writing was horrible. You were all over the place and I\'m sure that I\'m not the only one who was confused through most of it. It was rushed and, to tell the truth, rather bland. You are correct in stating that you own that story because I don\'t think anyone else would care to claim it.

Astronomy, not Astrology. Ugh, that was fester lest I mention it.

I liked the story alot, but I dunno it felt rushed in some places and I got confused a bit.

I really enjoyed your story. There were a few grammatical errors. But I loved the plot. I hope you do write a sequel to this story. Keep on writting.
Katie

/dances around/ I really liked this story! The best Snape/Hermione story that I\'ve read so far and I hope that you dke ake a sequel to this story, because I would stick around to see it! Well, good luck with the sequel and your other stories, until then, ja ne.

Alright, I\'ve read this story from being ing to end and I have to say that you made a good attempt. However, there were some serious issues within the story.

First, you need to have a beta-reader. You have grammar and spelling mistakes, along with basic punctuation problems all over the chapt Yo You constantly made the mistake of placement with the words \"there\", \"their\" and \"they\'re\".

\"there\" is an adverb that specifies place. Ex: \"Let\'s go over THERE to that store.\"
\"their\" is a possessive pronoun. Ex: \"That car belongs to THEIR family.\"
\"they\'re\" is a contraction of THEY ARE. Ex: \"The Ministry is filled full of idiots; THEY\'RE (THEY ARE) going to be the stupidest gits ever if they let Fudge pass that law.\"

Next, was the mistaken placement with thrds rds \"your\" and \"you\'re\".

\"your\" is a possessive pronoun that reflects on you. Ex: \"It\'s YOUR birthday today!\"
\"you\'re\" is a contraction of YOU ARE. Ex: \"YOU\'RE nothing but a filthy little mudblood.\"

Second, your character development was very lacking. Each and every one of them were too accepting of the things happening to them. Snape and Hermione completely rolled over, going along with the marriage. They didn\'t fight and build up to their feelings; instead they just jumped right in. Also, when Hermione punished the Slytherins they just accepted it and didn\'t give anymore trouble--they wouldn\'t have done that in the books.

All in all, I think that you made a good attempt. However, try plan out your stories if you\'re going to write something this in-depth. Don\'t just type something and put it up there! I\'m not trying to flame you, but you need to understand that what you put up needs work.

Loved the men\'s reactions to the birth! LOL nks nks for storstory. Looking forward to the sequel. (I see from your reviews that at least one person didn\'t get that this was a parody. I thought it was wonderfully done.)