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schedule
June 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I really really did not like that story. Maybe you should paragraph and spell check. Then get some real sexual experience so you know what you are talking about.
schedule
June 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Just a few friendly pointers...
1) Use more detail.
2) Add in a background setting, eg: Why Draco and Hermione are together. It is a PWP but you should add at least a line of plot in to make it understandable.
3) Stay loyal to the original characters, eg: Snape wouldn\'t say \"fuck\" in a teacher situation and Hermione wouldn\'t be such a skanky hoe. It\'s fine if you want to make them OOC but you have to back it up in your story somewhere to make it understandable.
4) Learn to paragraph and spell.
5) \"Bust your load inside me!\" where did that come from?
This is quite poor, even for a first attempt. I suggest that when you want to upload your next story that you send it to an honest person to tell you if it has enough quality foF. F. I think, judging by this fic that you should just keep your writing to yelf elf in future.
1) Use more detail.
2) Add in a background setting, eg: Why Draco and Hermione are together. It is a PWP but you should add at least a line of plot in to make it understandable.
3) Stay loyal to the original characters, eg: Snape wouldn\'t say \"fuck\" in a teacher situation and Hermione wouldn\'t be such a skanky hoe. It\'s fine if you want to make them OOC but you have to back it up in your story somewhere to make it understandable.
4) Learn to paragraph and spell.
5) \"Bust your load inside me!\" where did that come from?
This is quite poor, even for a first attempt. I suggest that when you want to upload your next story that you send it to an honest person to tell you if it has enough quality foF. F. I think, judging by this fic that you should just keep your writing to yelf elf in future.
schedule
June 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Please do all of us a favor and stop writing this story. It takes space up that should be dedicated to better writers.
schedule
June 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Okere ere are a few tips.
This wouldn\'t be a sequel to a story. It would be a second chapter. You don\'t need to create a whole new story to add a chapter. I would suggest changing it.
Also, you are in desperate need of a Beta. This y may may be a PWP but it
This wouldn\'t be a sequel to a story. It would be a second chapter. You don\'t need to create a whole new story to add a chapter. I would suggest changing it.
Also, you are in desperate need of a Beta. This y may may be a PWP but it
schedule
June 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
After the last one I don\'t Want to admit reading this.
How old are you?
Have you heard of sentence structure, paragraghs?
They have this amazing invention called an English Book, my suggestion is try opening one.
How old are you?
Have you heard of sentence structure, paragraghs?
They have this amazing invention called an English Book, my suggestion is try opening one.