schedule
January 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this is very well done, and it paints an amazing image. I think you should convert this to poetry, however--this sort of broken speech is not a well known genre of prose, and if you make it a poem, it may be more understood. I also think that the reader would be more effected by the raw emotion you display here, if they were not expecting something structured. The emotion is truly very strong, especially when one tries to pictrue the fog Draco is trying to see through as he dies. I REALLY enjoyed the piece; the emotion was so strong, and the weakness of Draco's state was clear. Anyway, happy writing! ~Ki-chan