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July 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Pleeeeaaase update! Please, please, please! That\'s so far the best marriage law fic I\'ve read! Please, please, continue!
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July 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is a brilliant story. I had just finished the Half-Blood Prince and was already in withdrawal for more of the Potter-verse, especially Snape. This story gave me the fix I needed. It is well-written, there is excellent character development and dialogue and I can\'t wait to read more chapters. So far I have only found chapters 1-17 on this website but I shall keep checking back for more chapters, not to mention more stories. Thanks for the fix, shiv.
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July 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow! This is a great story! I came across it on the Dark Sarcasm website. This is one of the best! I love the way you\'ve developed both of thier characters annd didn\'t make Snape a sex god :o) I\'m sure the next chapter is a difficult one to write and I hope your Muse is smiling upon you :oD I\'m also happy to see less of the distracting spelling errors and funny things going on in the later chapters. I love seeing thier relationship develop slowly and can wait for them to fall madly in love.
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July 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
love it!!!!! my only regret is that jkr couldn\'t give hermione a bit of the slytherin cunning you have.
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May 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I just wanted to say how much I\'m enjoying this story. I see it\'s a while since you\'ve updated - I hope you haven\'t given up on it!
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May 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is excelently written! It has the same styleas the original books with being a bit more adult and basing it more on our heroine instead of the hero. It is beautiful for a story that is pure fanfiction, and you are going somewhere!
That said, I am very turned off by the many spelling errors, and it does make it difficult to read at every turn there is another one where the words seem to be jumbled together. This may be more the pages fault than yours, but I wish there could be something done about it, just a bit.
And yes, you need more smut! But otherwise, this is excellent, congratulations! I can not wait to read more!
That said, I am very turned off by the many spelling errors, and it does make it difficult to read at every turn there is another one where the words seem to be jumbled together. This may be more the pages fault than yours, but I wish there could be something done about it, just a bit.
And yes, you need more smut! But otherwise, this is excellent, congratulations! I can not wait to read more!
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May 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow! This is a truly amazing story, very well executed and also very well written. You are very loyal to the characters and handle your own story additions very delicately, giving it such authenticity! If I didn\'t know better, I\'d think you really were Rowling having a bit of fun at our expense! Seriously though, I am throughly enjoying this story and beg you to deliver the next chapter asap! Not only that but you have inspired me to write my own Snape story. Hopefully the first chapter will be online soon for people to see what they think. Good luck with the rest of the story!
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May 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow! fantastic! This is the best marrige law story I\'ve read (sorry to the rest but you have to agree) the others are fantastic don\'t get me wrong but you have stayed the truest to the original characters which I love. Will there be more? Please say there will be more? Ever thought about writing for a living? If you don\'t already? If you do or are interested I\'m moving into the media world as a director and ok we can\'t do harry potter but your writing is fantastic and if you write a book as good as some of the stuff your writing now it would be a hot sell both in book and film form. hint hint! lol Please keep up the good work. I can\'t wait to see more. now offically a fan
Vampire Exotica
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Vampire Exotica
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May 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'ve read through this piece a couple of times, and overall, it\'s a very good story. Your characterization of Hermione and Snape\'s marriage is (for once!) reasonably realistic. Your syntax, imagery, use of analogies, and tone are all quite good. Tone in particular is splendid, as it\'s very much like I would imagine Hermione would think. There are only a few nits I have to pick.
One is the obvious spelling error--every once in a while the last four letters will repeat themselves, superimposing themselves over what came before, leading to a bit of confusion. I didn\'t notice it in the seventeenth chapter--did you get a new word program or new computer or something? It certainly seems to be more of a computer error than a human one.
The next is that the premise is wholly unrealistic. Because pretty much everything else in the story is realistic, this is fairly easy to overlook. I just can\'t imagine Hermione thinking of SNAPE as someone she\'d marry--she\'s much more likely to just go with Ron as the cop-out, concerns of Ministry persecution included. And I can\'t imagine Snape agreeing to it, even if she did propose. But because every other way they relate is in character, the odd behavior at the beginning is of only marginal importance. (I particularly thought that Hermione\'s damp summer romance was in character; she\'s not logical all the time, and that\'s exactly the sort of thing as smart girl would talk herself into.)
What ISN\'T in character is your Dumbledore. What on Earth do you have against that man? He would NEVER propose to a student! In your stories, he\'s a lecherous, pathetic parody of some anonymous old man; he\'s not DUMBLEDORE in your stories. Yes, he was bitchy to Harry in the fifth book, but he wasn\'t THAT bitchy, not by a long shot. In point of fact, when Harry was storming around Dumbledore\'s office at the end, I\'d have walked over and slapped him, not sat patiently behind the desk. The fifth book is what finally convinced me that Dumbledore wasn\'t evil. He wouldn\'t propose to a student, ANY student; he also wouldn\'t get in the way like you have him do in Dirty Deeds, and he probably wouldn\'t support a law that limits freedom like the Marriage law does, although that one I could see the argument being made.
In general, Dumbledore tends to leave people to work things out on their own, not try to impose his will on them. Every once in a while, he\'ll toss them a stimulus, but in general he lets them do their own thing. Your story--stories, in fact, I\'ve read a number--complete misses that, and where they interact with him, whether speaking to him or just thinking about him, every other character is OOC too.
On the whole, your stories are very well-written. In fact, the only things I can see as bad (other than the spelling thing, which again I suspect of being computer-error) is your interpretation of canon characters. With this in mind, I strongly recommend that if you haven\'t already, you write some original works. With your own characters, obviously you won\'t interpret them differently than the author intended, and your ability is frankly good enough. Given what I\'ve read, I\'d particularly recommend you go into romance, possibly romantic fantasy.
Good luck,
Chibi_Squirt
PS--I\'d love to see you do a Dumbledore-redemption story, since you\'re so down on him!
One is the obvious spelling error--every once in a while the last four letters will repeat themselves, superimposing themselves over what came before, leading to a bit of confusion. I didn\'t notice it in the seventeenth chapter--did you get a new word program or new computer or something? It certainly seems to be more of a computer error than a human one.
The next is that the premise is wholly unrealistic. Because pretty much everything else in the story is realistic, this is fairly easy to overlook. I just can\'t imagine Hermione thinking of SNAPE as someone she\'d marry--she\'s much more likely to just go with Ron as the cop-out, concerns of Ministry persecution included. And I can\'t imagine Snape agreeing to it, even if she did propose. But because every other way they relate is in character, the odd behavior at the beginning is of only marginal importance. (I particularly thought that Hermione\'s damp summer romance was in character; she\'s not logical all the time, and that\'s exactly the sort of thing as smart girl would talk herself into.)
What ISN\'T in character is your Dumbledore. What on Earth do you have against that man? He would NEVER propose to a student! In your stories, he\'s a lecherous, pathetic parody of some anonymous old man; he\'s not DUMBLEDORE in your stories. Yes, he was bitchy to Harry in the fifth book, but he wasn\'t THAT bitchy, not by a long shot. In point of fact, when Harry was storming around Dumbledore\'s office at the end, I\'d have walked over and slapped him, not sat patiently behind the desk. The fifth book is what finally convinced me that Dumbledore wasn\'t evil. He wouldn\'t propose to a student, ANY student; he also wouldn\'t get in the way like you have him do in Dirty Deeds, and he probably wouldn\'t support a law that limits freedom like the Marriage law does, although that one I could see the argument being made.
In general, Dumbledore tends to leave people to work things out on their own, not try to impose his will on them. Every once in a while, he\'ll toss them a stimulus, but in general he lets them do their own thing. Your story--stories, in fact, I\'ve read a number--complete misses that, and where they interact with him, whether speaking to him or just thinking about him, every other character is OOC too.
On the whole, your stories are very well-written. In fact, the only things I can see as bad (other than the spelling thing, which again I suspect of being computer-error) is your interpretation of canon characters. With this in mind, I strongly recommend that if you haven\'t already, you write some original works. With your own characters, obviously you won\'t interpret them differently than the author intended, and your ability is frankly good enough. Given what I\'ve read, I\'d particularly recommend you go into romance, possibly romantic fantasy.
Good luck,
Chibi_Squirt
PS--I\'d love to see you do a Dumbledore-redemption story, since you\'re so down on him!
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April 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Brilliant!!!
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