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August 17, 2004 at 12:00 AM
wow this is good i luv it cant wait for thxt uxt update
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July 29, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Another wonderful chapter. You just are not going to make it easy on them (which is good!). I can\'t wait for the next. Severus Carus (formerly Odd Doll)
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June 14, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hi, jenny jar.
First of all, English is not my first, nor my second language, just as you, and if I saw a few minor mistakes, they don
First of all, English is not my first, nor my second language, just as you, and if I saw a few minor mistakes, they don
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June 3, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hi,
I wanted to say first of all, I LOVE THIS STORY. You\'ve gotten inside Snape\'ad ead exactly the way I see him - nasty, mean and self-loathing. I\'m working on my own fanfic, which explores the question \'how can a perfectly sane woman fall in love with Snape?\' and it encourages me not to soften him one little bit.
You have a good handle of using imagery and \'telling not saying\' and the pacing is quite good, for the most part. The one piece of constructive criticism that I have is about the beginning. You start right out with a very dramatic bit, which is good. However, by breaking in with the parts about Gerry and how she got to Hogwarts, you really killed it. I was so frustrated by it that I actually stopped reading. The way you write them is good, but there is just too much detail leading up to the fight with her boyfriend that does not need to be in there, and it gets in the way of the pacing. We need to know details about Gerry and how she got there, but not as much as you included, I think.
Also, by breaking it up so many times, the parts about Snape\'s struggles at the doorway were a TINY bit repetitive. Overall, it was fantastic, but I think you drew it out just a little too much.
Your prose is good. I suppose that is a writing thing and not an English language thing, because I am AMAZED at how well you write in your 3rd language! There are some grammatical and spelling things, of course, but a good beta can fix those for you.
PLease keep it up. I can\'t wait to see them get together (I hope?)
Marianne
I wanted to say first of all, I LOVE THIS STORY. You\'ve gotten inside Snape\'ad ead exactly the way I see him - nasty, mean and self-loathing. I\'m working on my own fanfic, which explores the question \'how can a perfectly sane woman fall in love with Snape?\' and it encourages me not to soften him one little bit.
You have a good handle of using imagery and \'telling not saying\' and the pacing is quite good, for the most part. The one piece of constructive criticism that I have is about the beginning. You start right out with a very dramatic bit, which is good. However, by breaking in with the parts about Gerry and how she got to Hogwarts, you really killed it. I was so frustrated by it that I actually stopped reading. The way you write them is good, but there is just too much detail leading up to the fight with her boyfriend that does not need to be in there, and it gets in the way of the pacing. We need to know details about Gerry and how she got there, but not as much as you included, I think.
Also, by breaking it up so many times, the parts about Snape\'s struggles at the doorway were a TINY bit repetitive. Overall, it was fantastic, but I think you drew it out just a little too much.
Your prose is good. I suppose that is a writing thing and not an English language thing, because I am AMAZED at how well you write in your 3rd language! There are some grammatical and spelling things, of course, but a good beta can fix those for you.
PLease keep it up. I can\'t wait to see them get together (I hope?)
Marianne
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May 18, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Your Snape is about the closest to the canon I\'ve seen in a romance fic. There are some good snarky Snapes out there, but then he meets the right OC, and changes his personality, turning into another romance novel protagonist straight out of Harlequin. You\'re not shying away from what a truly nasty git he is. I can\'t wait to see how you handle this. Maybe a little coercion is needed??
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May 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Wow! Great story! You have developed wonul sul sexual tension! Please update soon!
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March 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I\'m really liking this story. Although, valerius Attitude can be considered as chauvtic!tic!! I really hope that she comes to her senses and don\'t let him do whatever he wants..Our Severus is SOOOOOOOOOO much better...eheheh...
Please do keep up this story!!
Please do keep up this story!!