rate_review Reviews

I just finished reading, and it was AWESOME! Please continue. I want to find out what happens between Hermione and Snape.
Well keep up the good work!

P.S. Post again soon please! please! please!

P.S. P.S. And don\'t listen to those other idiots I understand ya just fine. I have a friend who\'s the same way about the story she is writing, and I am the one who does the final editing.
Well uuuummmm... post again soon!

Okay, I had to quit reading. First, I\'m glad that you decided to express yourself so creatively and that you decided to share it with us. Unfortunately there are a few things that must be addressed:

1) Seperate your paragraphs. It makes it easier to read that way.
2) Quit interjecting your comments/thoughts into the midst of the story. Save it for the author\'s notes. It throws readers for a loop and also annoys the hell out of them.
3) Take your time and make your story the best it can be. Your story would be pretty good if you hadn\'t made it so rushed and scattered. Develop your characters and make your plot orderly. Sudden twists and turns are great, but right now it\'s looking pretty schizophrenic itself. It\'s barely readable.
4) GET A BETA. Just having someone to bounce ideas and to let you know when you are getting off course can be a fantastic help and make the story more enjoyable for you and your readers.

I\'m not trying to be a flamer here, but you really do need some help. No, I\'m not available to beta for you at the moment, but if you ask, I\'m sure you\'ll have plenty of people who\'ll volunteer to help you. :)

Don\'t get discouraged and don\'t give up!

I give up. Between the formatting issues, the juvenile style, the grammatical errors, and the personal comments interjected throughout, I can\'t read anymore. Please do yourself a HUGE favor and get a beta. Your basic ideas are OK, but the presentation lacks. And to be honest, the chapters appear very short - not sure if that\'s a byproduct of the formatting. This isn\'t meant to be a flame, just some concrit. I would love to actually read your fic, but until it\'s fixed, it\'s frankly too difficult.

ummmm... okay.... your story really confuses me \'cause it keeps switching POVs and it\'s all bunched up and stuff. This isn\'t meant to be a flame or anything but I really think you should try to organize your ideas mso yso your story isn\'t jumping all over the place. I like your ideas and every thing but your story is hard to follow. To tell you the truth trying to read the story gave me a head ache (please don\'t hurt me!! *_*)

iola_83

Your story ha int interesting concept, and the plot is good. However you need to separate the paragraphs, because it\'s all bunched up together and makes it difficult to read as it is. Whenever you have a character speak it should always be considered a new paragraph. And I think you can dispense with the comments within the story. It throws the reader off. If you want people to take your story seriously these notes are not a good way of doing it.