schedule
April 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I had to respond a second time when I read some of the more negative reviews. I honestly dt set see how that one pn thn thought that Hermione returned to an unreformed rapist. Dumbledore tells her in the begining that it was her act of forgiveness that turned Snape around and brought him before Dumbledore. That is repentance. Now as to why she would pursue a relationship with him: First she initially knew him in his reformed though unpleasant state. Next he saved her life the night of the rape by telling the other Death Eater she was aready dead. Next she decides not to have an abortion even though it is a child of rape. She believes strongly enough that that would be wrong, most likely because the child didn\'t have any say in the manner in which he/she began life. Therefore she couldn\'t condemn him/her to death. She tells Dumbledore that she had wished fervently that it would be Snape\'s child and not one of the others. Then she has eight years to watch her daughter grow carring his features, seeing what he might have been if his childhood hadn\'t been what it was. There were things that she knew he had done for the Order that she respected him for. Audrey had begun to ask about her father. What did she tell her? There were both very bad and very good things to say about him.
Voldemort was still loose. She had leftmid-mid-battle and crawled away to lick her wounds. But she was not so wounded now, and there were things left unfinished both in the war and between her and Severus. I do not think that she originaly went bao Hoo Hogwarts to have a romantic relationship with Snape. I believe she initially wished for him to own up to his responsiblitiy for Aubrey. I am quite sure she knew that it would be uncomfortably painful for him to do so.
This story is not ment to represent the average responses to rape. There are unique qualifiers that make it different than most. If anyone thinks that Snape\'s naming Hermione his Margarite is an indication of unrepentance, I must disagree. He didn\'t know her but he named her because he held her dear because she had forgiven him. Recall how viciously his own father beat him for \"wrong doings\". And demanded that he thank him while he did it. His mother had disowned him for his choices as well. She had been the only one to realy forgive him in his life.
As to the scene where Dubledore confers the blessing of the firstborn: This in the original Biblical text was not about physical goods. Jacob had already bargained with his brother Esau for the lions share of the herds and property for for a bowl of beans when Esau had come to his camp starving, weak and empyhanded from a hunt. This was a magical ritual that bestowed intangibgiftgifts of great value. So great that when Jacob lied to blind Issac, his father, and recieved the blessing instead of his brother Esau, he had to flee the county because Esau was going to kill him. This blessing was worth more than the property.
When Dumbledore recites this to Severus, he is adopting him, forgiving him his sins simply by loving him enough, healing the injuries done by his own twisted childhood by his blood father. He bestows upon Severus his wish for his happiness, not in some sort of \"I hope so\" way but as if he was handing it to him in a brightly wrapped package. A Gift. This is the power of that ritual.
Life is not always clean and romantic and black and white. As a teenager I never appreciated Steinbeck. His stories had too much of stark bitterness to them and I couldn\'t recognise their greater value because I had not developed a long view yet. Now at 42, having experience many of the things that both Steinbeck and you speak of in your stories I appreciate them much more. Your versions of Severus and Hermione are of multilayered complex people. I feel in some part that your Hermione believes in fate. If she had never had the Time Turner accident, she would have never been raped, But if she had never been raped she would never have forgiven Snape, He might have never switched sides and Voldemort might have won much sooner. And then she would have never had Aubrey the jewel of her life. The pattern was incomplete you see unless she went back to England and Hogwarts and discovered what the rest of the pattern was.
I had a teacher once like Umbrige. It made a profound impact upon my personal character, mostly in the of of the axiom, \"That which dose not kill us makes us stronger.\" It was agonizingly horrible at the time, but I would be a different person now without it. I have come to like who I am so do I still wish it changed? These are the type of psychological paradoxes you address in your story. I think they are real if not for everyone then for some people.
Voldemort was still loose. She had leftmid-mid-battle and crawled away to lick her wounds. But she was not so wounded now, and there were things left unfinished both in the war and between her and Severus. I do not think that she originaly went bao Hoo Hogwarts to have a romantic relationship with Snape. I believe she initially wished for him to own up to his responsiblitiy for Aubrey. I am quite sure she knew that it would be uncomfortably painful for him to do so.
This story is not ment to represent the average responses to rape. There are unique qualifiers that make it different than most. If anyone thinks that Snape\'s naming Hermione his Margarite is an indication of unrepentance, I must disagree. He didn\'t know her but he named her because he held her dear because she had forgiven him. Recall how viciously his own father beat him for \"wrong doings\". And demanded that he thank him while he did it. His mother had disowned him for his choices as well. She had been the only one to realy forgive him in his life.
As to the scene where Dubledore confers the blessing of the firstborn: This in the original Biblical text was not about physical goods. Jacob had already bargained with his brother Esau for the lions share of the herds and property for for a bowl of beans when Esau had come to his camp starving, weak and empyhanded from a hunt. This was a magical ritual that bestowed intangibgiftgifts of great value. So great that when Jacob lied to blind Issac, his father, and recieved the blessing instead of his brother Esau, he had to flee the county because Esau was going to kill him. This blessing was worth more than the property.
When Dumbledore recites this to Severus, he is adopting him, forgiving him his sins simply by loving him enough, healing the injuries done by his own twisted childhood by his blood father. He bestows upon Severus his wish for his happiness, not in some sort of \"I hope so\" way but as if he was handing it to him in a brightly wrapped package. A Gift. This is the power of that ritual.
Life is not always clean and romantic and black and white. As a teenager I never appreciated Steinbeck. His stories had too much of stark bitterness to them and I couldn\'t recognise their greater value because I had not developed a long view yet. Now at 42, having experience many of the things that both Steinbeck and you speak of in your stories I appreciate them much more. Your versions of Severus and Hermione are of multilayered complex people. I feel in some part that your Hermione believes in fate. If she had never had the Time Turner accident, she would have never been raped, But if she had never been raped she would never have forgiven Snape, He might have never switched sides and Voldemort might have won much sooner. And then she would have never had Aubrey the jewel of her life. The pattern was incomplete you see unless she went back to England and Hogwarts and discovered what the rest of the pattern was.
I had a teacher once like Umbrige. It made a profound impact upon my personal character, mostly in the of of the axiom, \"That which dose not kill us makes us stronger.\" It was agonizingly horrible at the time, but I would be a different person now without it. I have come to like who I am so do I still wish it changed? These are the type of psychological paradoxes you address in your story. I think they are real if not for everyone then for some people.
schedule
April 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I believe I expressed my review in a polite and constructive manner. I listed the things I disliked about the chapter, and reasoned them out calmly and rationally. I gave you suggestions for what I persoanlyl feel would improve this story. Whether you choose to accept them or not is your own business.
But expressing my opinion in well-reasoned and restrained fashion is hardly rude, and I don\'t care for the condescending tone in which you basically told me that I have not planicenice in your sandbox. I did not insult you, I was not impolite: I critiqued your story. That is not rude...you have yourself requested critique, and I have offered it.
Perhaps Israeli culture has made you the way you are, but your presentation of it leaves something to be desired in order to convey that to much of the rest of the world, which did not have the same upbringing, and which might read that chapter (as I did) as more of a sermon on the glory of Judaism than an actual examination of faith. Again, my opinion may differ from yours, or another reader\'s.
No, Rowling doesn\'t write war realistically. Please don\'t lecture me cla claim that I understand nothing of war. I have seen such senseless violence, and I understand the nature of war is not brass bugles, medals, and hero\'s laurels: perhaps that\'s why one of my favorite historical periods is WWI, which demonstrated the utter waste of war so dramatically. Anyone who\'s read my original piece of WWI fiction would tell you that I aim to depict that a hero\'s reward is most often a gruesome death and a lonesome, forgotten grave, not glory anulatulation.
I am not crying \"Freedom of Speech\". It\'s a lousy excuse for people to do whatever they damn well please without consequence. I simply say what I think of your story. You think it is entitled to be posted on its own merits. As stands, I believe it is entitled to be posted because it\'s your opinion, but as a story, I unfortunately don\'t have much positive to say about it. Please respect my opinion here, as I am in no way calling for the removal of your work. I simply want to offer my polite opinion and possible suggestions for what I see as improvements. I ask that you please respect that.
But expressing my opinion in well-reasoned and restrained fashion is hardly rude, and I don\'t care for the condescending tone in which you basically told me that I have not planicenice in your sandbox. I did not insult you, I was not impolite: I critiqued your story. That is not rude...you have yourself requested critique, and I have offered it.
Perhaps Israeli culture has made you the way you are, but your presentation of it leaves something to be desired in order to convey that to much of the rest of the world, which did not have the same upbringing, and which might read that chapter (as I did) as more of a sermon on the glory of Judaism than an actual examination of faith. Again, my opinion may differ from yours, or another reader\'s.
No, Rowling doesn\'t write war realistically. Please don\'t lecture me cla claim that I understand nothing of war. I have seen such senseless violence, and I understand the nature of war is not brass bugles, medals, and hero\'s laurels: perhaps that\'s why one of my favorite historical periods is WWI, which demonstrated the utter waste of war so dramatically. Anyone who\'s read my original piece of WWI fiction would tell you that I aim to depict that a hero\'s reward is most often a gruesome death and a lonesome, forgotten grave, not glory anulatulation.
I am not crying \"Freedom of Speech\". It\'s a lousy excuse for people to do whatever they damn well please without consequence. I simply say what I think of your story. You think it is entitled to be posted on its own merits. As stands, I believe it is entitled to be posted because it\'s your opinion, but as a story, I unfortunately don\'t have much positive to say about it. Please respect my opinion here, as I am in no way calling for the removal of your work. I simply want to offer my polite opinion and possible suggestions for what I see as improvements. I ask that you please respect that.
schedule
April 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Poignant, touching, and incredibly in tune with basic human nature. I\'ve spent 15 hours, on and off, mostly on, delving into your tale, and now that I can come up for a bre I\' I\'m not sure that I want to. I am impressed, and I applaud your literary talent. Bravo.
schedule
April 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Joan-
Saying that a character I wrote is doomed for a life of wailing (instead of finding a politer way to express your opinion), blaming me in discrimination towards other religions, all of which I highly respect, for their own merits as well as merely for the notion that each and every one of us has the right to hold to his own belief, can hardly be considered constructive criticism. If that is your idea of constructive criticism, then sorry, I have never asked for this kind of criticism.
You say that as a story, you don\'t have much positive to say about BLooDL. I haven\'t read you saying even one thing positive about BL (not that you might think it has any), though this is hardly the reason I\'m raising this issue:
Taking into consideration that you don\'t enjoy BL whatsoever, and that you find it such a lousy story, why do you even bother reading it? I hardly mind that you choose to waste your time reading a story that you\'re bound to despise, seeing you had decided to hate it depending on the premise alone. That is utterly your problem. But wasting my time as well, reading your supposedly constructive criticism, is no more than parasitism. You\'re a clever woman, Joan. Go spend ytimetime in a more productive manner than pestering me.
Saying that a character I wrote is doomed for a life of wailing (instead of finding a politer way to express your opinion), blaming me in discrimination towards other religions, all of which I highly respect, for their own merits as well as merely for the notion that each and every one of us has the right to hold to his own belief, can hardly be considered constructive criticism. If that is your idea of constructive criticism, then sorry, I have never asked for this kind of criticism.
You say that as a story, you don\'t have much positive to say about BLooDL. I haven\'t read you saying even one thing positive about BL (not that you might think it has any), though this is hardly the reason I\'m raising this issue:
Taking into consideration that you don\'t enjoy BL whatsoever, and that you find it such a lousy story, why do you even bother reading it? I hardly mind that you choose to waste your time reading a story that you\'re bound to despise, seeing you had decided to hate it depending on the premise alone. That is utterly your problem. But wasting my time as well, reading your supposedly constructive criticism, is no more than parasitism. You\'re a clever woman, Joan. Go spend ytimetime in a more productive manner than pestering me.
schedule
April 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
You are well versed in beliefs for a person claiming to be an atheist. It must be hard work believing in nothing. Very intense chapter, thanks.
schedule
April 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Lovely lovely.. assuming that this isnt the totally last chapter, right?
oh yeah, and *CHEER* to the speech in the beginning. Don\'t let close-minded people\'s opinions bother you.
oh yeah, and *CHEER* to the speech in the beginning. Don\'t let close-minded people\'s opinions bother you.
schedule
April 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
My note to the extremely immature person who titles themselves \"annoyed\"
I would just like to say that If i were her, i would delete your reviews as well. there is a different between good criticism and bad criticism.
In english class, my freshman year of american high school, my teacher told us that when reviewing another person\'s work, you should never tell them the their writing was horrid, or not good. but instead offer ways to make it better. Creative Criticism. Perhaps you have heard of it but it merely bypassed planting itself into your memory. Just in case, I shall offer my humble opinion and state to you what it means.
Creative Criticism means that instead of telling someone that their writing sucks, you politely tell them what you disagree with and offer a different solution. \"Hey, instead of having them have sex constantly, maybe it would touch the readers more if they held each toher and foudn other ways to comfort.\" \"Hey, yeah. That finger thing was gross. Maybe you should take that out and have a piece of her shirt instead\"
But come now, let us all face facts. It is not our story to write. so either you like it or you don\'t. I, for one, Like it a great deal. But \"Annoyed,\" If you find the story so horrid, then please do us all a favor and grow up and stop harrassing the author. Just stop lookingthe the story, stop coming here and spreading your stupidity witht he rest of us.
Thank you.
I would just like to say that If i were her, i would delete your reviews as well. there is a different between good criticism and bad criticism.
In english class, my freshman year of american high school, my teacher told us that when reviewing another person\'s work, you should never tell them the their writing was horrid, or not good. but instead offer ways to make it better. Creative Criticism. Perhaps you have heard of it but it merely bypassed planting itself into your memory. Just in case, I shall offer my humble opinion and state to you what it means.
Creative Criticism means that instead of telling someone that their writing sucks, you politely tell them what you disagree with and offer a different solution. \"Hey, instead of having them have sex constantly, maybe it would touch the readers more if they held each toher and foudn other ways to comfort.\" \"Hey, yeah. That finger thing was gross. Maybe you should take that out and have a piece of her shirt instead\"
But come now, let us all face facts. It is not our story to write. so either you like it or you don\'t. I, for one, Like it a great deal. But \"Annoyed,\" If you find the story so horrid, then please do us all a favor and grow up and stop harrassing the author. Just stop lookingthe the story, stop coming here and spreading your stupidity witht he rest of us.
Thank you.
schedule
April 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
OK...I really don\'t think you like Hermione too much. Forgiving Severus made her powerful and made her a better person than him. That I liked. But then you had to drer der down into the mud he\'s wallowing in by having her love him for exactly what he is and was--a nasty, cold-hearted rapist. That doesn\'t make her strong or powerful--that makes her weak and a victim, and I\'m worried about her thrusting her little daughter at a man who raped her, didn\'t apolgize for it, and has no regrets or intents on becoming a better person for her sake. Women don\'t go back to their unreformed abusers without having serious self-esteem and depend iss issues. This is a situation that would only end in tragedy for Hermione, Aubrey, and the new baby someday.
The kidnapping was a real convenient device to drive Severus and Hermione together and ignore all the other issues with their relationship, and it was doubly cliche that Hermione is suddenly pregnant again. I didn\'t like at all that they just sat back and did nothing while Aubrey was being hurt and tortured--it doesn\'t make me think much of them.
I really think thermiermione should have been the one to attack Voldemort here. That would have given her some power, some courage and backbone and redeemed her a bit from her perpetual victim state. Instead, she went and hid in the corner, and urged Aubrey to be a weak doormat and just submit too.
The quote from \"The Princess Br" di" didn\'t fit at all. This was supposed to be a really tense, dramatic chapter, am I right? Inigo Montoya\'s quote is almost a bit of slapstick, and insane humor has no place at all in what you were trying to write.
The kidnapping was a real convenient device to drive Severus and Hermione together and ignore all the other issues with their relationship, and it was doubly cliche that Hermione is suddenly pregnant again. I didn\'t like at all that they just sat back and did nothing while Aubrey was being hurt and tortured--it doesn\'t make me think much of them.
I really think thermiermione should have been the one to attack Voldemort here. That would have given her some power, some courage and backbone and redeemed her a bit from her perpetual victim state. Instead, she went and hid in the corner, and urged Aubrey to be a weak doormat and just submit too.
The quote from \"The Princess Br" di" didn\'t fit at all. This was supposed to be a really tense, dramatic chapter, am I right? Inigo Montoya\'s quote is almost a bit of slapstick, and insane humor has no place at all in what you were trying to write.
schedule
April 10, 2004 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOODNESS! That was awful and wonderful at the same time! How the heck do you do that! I was thrilled that They finally got to Aubrey, but that Albus was killed was sooooooo sad! Poor poor Severus! How is he going to feel? Granted Albus was sick and old will he be able to handle that? Next chapter please!!!!
schedule
April 10, 2004 at 12:00 AM
\"Hello. My name is Aubrey Victoria Granger. You killed my father. Prepare to die!\"
Quite surrealistic in the context of your story, but it is a wonderful line.
Quite surrealistic in the context of your story, but it is a wonderful line.