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March 9, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I LOVE your story but ur chapters need to be longer and how can u leave me in a cliff hanger!! Anyway Update soon!
-Kayla
-Kayla
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March 9, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hey,I\'d love to read more of the story please.
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March 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
The chapters that you separated are easier to read. I meant to seperate them into paragraphs. There are rules for paragraphing. You change paragraphs with a new idea, a new speaker, or both. I like that it\'s all one idea when Harry is in pain, but in many chapters you have more natural breaks and you should find them.
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March 7, 2004 at 12:00 AM
After the second chapter I stopped reading. Make your paragraphs shorter and put a space between them if you want people to keep reading it. It is hard on the eyes the it it is.
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March 7, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Keep with it, Heart Sister. There are many of us who spend half of our lives at Hogwarts... and the other half in Valdemar. Though I have to admit that my favorite character is Da\'rien, part Valdemaran and part Wingbrother.
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February 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
your story seems like it has a lot of promise, but the formatting makes it really hard to read after the first chapter.
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February 20, 2004 at 12:00 AM
:) not a nice story (so far) but well written, and the first I\'ve read that had any realistic portrayal of harry\'s emotions and stuff after being raped