rate_review Reviews

Greetings

You did fine with smut...made me have thughts of my fiance

:)

How sweet that Snape loves Hermione AND is being so nice and gentle with her. Malfoys are probably about to have a kitten over not getting Hermione in their household. p

Fudge is evil, but he is probably being harrassed by the Malfoys to prove that they are living as man and wife and trying for a family. This should be good. I think I feel worse for SS than I do for Hermione. p

Snape should not be obliged to duel Malfoy just because they are sore losers. They are married and should be able to tell him to pound sand. That would be too easy though so he surely won't, but when he is done, I hope he throws a few hexes Ron's way. p

I thought Draco was dead and that they did not have to worry about Malfoys anymore. And why Hermione would have to ask Harry not to tell Ron is beyond me...I would almost tell anyone other than Ron. Glad that Harry is going to be there for them though. p

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

I love your story it's one of the best stories I've read in the snape/hermione pairing.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you ? At some point in this story it sounds like a grade school kid is writing it. You have a great idea for a story, unfortunately I am convinved that English is not your first language. Apparently someone else has also come to the same conclusion. Your story also has some inconsistencies. First you say that both Malfoys died in a duel then in the next chapter, everyone is worried that they will try and claim her again, so we assume they are still alive. Then they are dead again in the next chapter. Also Percy Weasley should have been in Prison not fathering children. DO get a beta or even a really good spellcheck. But I think a beta would be best. They could not only point out your atrocious spelling mistakes, but they could also correct your grammar, verb conjugation, sentence contruction and you seem to have an aversion to commas. Please stop using the preposition OF instead of the verb HAVE. I am interested in your story The Marriage Law, but I am afraid to, again, spend my time groaning from the mistakes as I read it.
Please take all this as constructive criticism, as the other readers have done. Your story ideas are very good, just work on the rest. There is no shame in taking an English course. And I don't mean a creative writing course, you seem to have good ideas, just work on getting the whole thing down pat BEFORE you post it. Ask for help, no shame in that either.

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

I find the plot to have real potential for the future. I must ask, do you have a beta reader? Is English your first language? I'm afraid that I've had to stop reading, because I find the spelling errors and lack of proper punctuation rather off putting. Some of the passages don't seem to flow properly and make for a difficult read. If you get a good beta and then maybe correct the works on-line so far I would be willing to give it another try. Good idea for a plot line though.