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November 23, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Please continue soon. This is getting good. Hope Malfoy and Zabini and Thomas and Finnigan and the rest get their just desserts. Hope Snape isn\'t under the spell too and goes back to hating Harry. That would be awful. Anyways please continue. The last chapter was great.
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November 19, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Bloody hell, those two are baad. This is getting good. I wonder wht those Slytherins are planning. Not exactly my fave people to see naked. YUCK!!!!!!!!! Harry should\'ve shown Sev them.
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November 18, 2003 at 12:00 AM
WOW!!!!!!!!
THAT WAS AMAZING, SEXY....WOW!!!
I hope you update in ff. net soon, and is sad in that place not be like here.
I like it the \"Potion
THAT WAS AMAZING, SEXY....WOW!!!
I hope you update in ff. net soon, and is sad in that place not be like here.
I like it the \"Potion
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November 17, 2003 at 12:00 AM
beatiful. What ahappen whit Harry if wherever he is sick evaporated and Snape not love him anymore? besos and update soon in ff. net of here. bay
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November 16, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Hey please carry on. This is getting good. What plan does Malfoy have? I really wanna find out. Is he still gonna try and get Harry? Keep it up.
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November 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I can\'t wait for the next chapter. Really good story!!
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November 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Oh but you are evil, leaving me hanging with ch. 11 like that.
I can\'t wait to read what happens next!
I can\'t wait to read what happens next!
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November 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Sevy?
*cringe*
I can\'t imagine a man like Severus Snape with a pet name like Sevy. I can kinda sorta excuse Sev in some stories, but not Sevy. That\'s just FAR too sappy for my tastes. Of course, that\'s just me.
And the newest chapter really doesn\'t jibe with the rest of the story. Harry\'s been running away and scared the entire way through, trying to get away from both Draco AND Snape, but here in the new chapter he\'s gushing and fawning, and even Severus is completely twee and over-emotional. It just doesn\'t make any sense at all.
For that matter, very little in this story makes sense. Snape is completely out of character by being so blatantly out of control. He\'s both a Death Eater and a spy for the Order. Anyone in that position would have their life on the line constantly, having to watch their every move, from both the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters looking for any sign of betrayal, and from the Ministry, looking for any sign of Death Eater sympathies, not to mention those in the Order questioning his motives. Anyone with that life has to have some semblance of self-control and discipline, and Snape has that in spades. You haven\'t explained at all why he\'s gone so far against his nature, and why Dumbledore is still allowing him to be around the students or teach at all, given his actions all the way through this story. Whatever the attraction that Harry is causing isn\'t enough.
And for that matter, Dumbledore is making very poor choices all the way around. He hasn\'t isolated Harry from the rest of the student body and from Severus. He hasn\'t suspended Snape for his actions, or taken any form of discipline against him, even though he\'s aware of how Snape is acting, and of his actions so far. The Headmaster is responsible for the well-being of ALL the students, including Harry. If there is something about Harry causing these problems, then he has to actually DO something about it, like removing him from the others and trying to sort out jwhatwhat in the hell is going on.
Heck, even Snape would want to know what the hell is going on with him, because it puts his life directly at risk to act the way he has been-- openly fawning over Harry. The Death Eater children in his own House would be sending owls home immediately if he even gave Harry a break in class. That\'s one of the best things about the Snape/Harry pairing-- the danger of what would happen if Severus\' feelings towards Harry ever became known, because his life would then be forfeit. You\'ve taken that risk out, since Snape is mooning loudly and publicly over Harry, which he would never do otherwise, and in the process removed the biggest obstacle and tension in the pairing.
Yes, I know it\'s fan fiction, and that people can write what they want, but to me, this whole story and scenario just make no sense at all. Maybe that\'s a flaw on my part. It could be just me. I need to be able to believe in the storyline being told, and in this case, it\'s very hard for me to do so. It\'s not that you\'re a bad writer, and I\'m not criticizing you personally, but honestly-- there really isn\'t anything here for a reader to grasp that makes any sense. It\'s all so out of whack and characters like Severus are so far gone from who they would normally be that it\'s hard to invest the energy into following this story along to whatever conclusion you have planned out.
Just some food for thought.
Don\'t stop writing your story on my account-- I encourage you to continue. But think about some of these things that I\'ve brought up. What makes a good story is believability, and the writer\'s skill at getting their readers to fall into the world they\'ve created and get emotionally involved in the lives of their characters. In fan fiction, it\'s that much harder, because you\'re using already established characters, so you have to try that much more to reach an audience.
*cringe*
I can\'t imagine a man like Severus Snape with a pet name like Sevy. I can kinda sorta excuse Sev in some stories, but not Sevy. That\'s just FAR too sappy for my tastes. Of course, that\'s just me.
And the newest chapter really doesn\'t jibe with the rest of the story. Harry\'s been running away and scared the entire way through, trying to get away from both Draco AND Snape, but here in the new chapter he\'s gushing and fawning, and even Severus is completely twee and over-emotional. It just doesn\'t make any sense at all.
For that matter, very little in this story makes sense. Snape is completely out of character by being so blatantly out of control. He\'s both a Death Eater and a spy for the Order. Anyone in that position would have their life on the line constantly, having to watch their every move, from both the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters looking for any sign of betrayal, and from the Ministry, looking for any sign of Death Eater sympathies, not to mention those in the Order questioning his motives. Anyone with that life has to have some semblance of self-control and discipline, and Snape has that in spades. You haven\'t explained at all why he\'s gone so far against his nature, and why Dumbledore is still allowing him to be around the students or teach at all, given his actions all the way through this story. Whatever the attraction that Harry is causing isn\'t enough.
And for that matter, Dumbledore is making very poor choices all the way around. He hasn\'t isolated Harry from the rest of the student body and from Severus. He hasn\'t suspended Snape for his actions, or taken any form of discipline against him, even though he\'s aware of how Snape is acting, and of his actions so far. The Headmaster is responsible for the well-being of ALL the students, including Harry. If there is something about Harry causing these problems, then he has to actually DO something about it, like removing him from the others and trying to sort out jwhatwhat in the hell is going on.
Heck, even Snape would want to know what the hell is going on with him, because it puts his life directly at risk to act the way he has been-- openly fawning over Harry. The Death Eater children in his own House would be sending owls home immediately if he even gave Harry a break in class. That\'s one of the best things about the Snape/Harry pairing-- the danger of what would happen if Severus\' feelings towards Harry ever became known, because his life would then be forfeit. You\'ve taken that risk out, since Snape is mooning loudly and publicly over Harry, which he would never do otherwise, and in the process removed the biggest obstacle and tension in the pairing.
Yes, I know it\'s fan fiction, and that people can write what they want, but to me, this whole story and scenario just make no sense at all. Maybe that\'s a flaw on my part. It could be just me. I need to be able to believe in the storyline being told, and in this case, it\'s very hard for me to do so. It\'s not that you\'re a bad writer, and I\'m not criticizing you personally, but honestly-- there really isn\'t anything here for a reader to grasp that makes any sense. It\'s all so out of whack and characters like Severus are so far gone from who they would normally be that it\'s hard to invest the energy into following this story along to whatever conclusion you have planned out.
Just some food for thought.
Don\'t stop writing your story on my account-- I encourage you to continue. But think about some of these things that I\'ve brought up. What makes a good story is believability, and the writer\'s skill at getting their readers to fall into the world they\'ve created and get emotionally involved in the lives of their characters. In fan fiction, it\'s that much harder, because you\'re using already established characters, so you have to try that much more to reach an audience.
schedule
November 13, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Loved the scene between Harry and Severus. And The song was hilarious!
I just want to know who kidnapped Harry! You always leave nasty cliffhangers!
I just want to know who kidnapped Harry! You always leave nasty cliffhangers!
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November 13, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Bring on ch. 11. This just keeps getting better and better!